Six-year-old daughter, looking at jewelry with her father: Daddy, do you wear jewelry?
Father: No.
Daughter: Mommy wears jewelry.
Father: Well, I’m not mommy. Unless you see a crucifix behind my head.
–Macy’s
Archive for December, 2014
You Know, All That Makes about As Much Sense As the Trinity
Hardhat #1: Hera.
Hardhat #2: Hera?
Hardhat #3: Yeah, you know, his wife.
Hardhat #2: Well, I know she was Zeus’s wife, but who was Chronos’s wife?
Hardhat #1: I don’t know.
Hardhat #3: Maybe he didn’t have a wife.
–7th & Ave B
Overheard by: Rhea
On the L, the Conductor Appears as a Burning Bush
Conductor over loudspeaker: Oh you think you’re pretty bad by not giving up your spot.
Long pause.
Conductor over loudspeaker: Don’t go pretending that you can’t hear me now!
–N train
Overheard by: Gregorio
New Yorkers Never Look at You, Anyway
Man carrying camera and subway map: Do you think we look like tourists?
Woman carrying huge fanny packs, dead serious: No, I think we look okay.
–N Train
I’m More Law-Review-White
White boy #1: Hey, do you watch wresting?
White boy #2: No, I’m not that white.
–Columbia University
The Proctologists Ride The A
Old bag lady: …but once they stick the epidural in, they can just reach in and pull it out like that!
The very pregnant teenager sitting next to her did not respond…
–R train
Where It’s Part of the Public School Curriculum
20-something chick #1: … So was she, like, dating that married guy?
20-something chick #2: No! Man, you can’t date a married guy, he’s married! You can only fuck a married guy.
Lady with kids: Do you mind?!
20-something chick #2: If you don’t want your kids to hear about fucking married men, then don’t raise them in New York!
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: I hate kids too…
The LSAT Question That Eluded Many Test-Takers
Guy #1: So, if smart guys get dumb girls, and dumb guys get dumb girls, what do smart girls get?
Guy #2: Cats.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jennifer
Some People Find Pedophilia Very Spiritual
Teen ghetto girl #1: But you’re 15! That’s 5 years. You’d be like a pedophile.
Teen ghetto girl #2: It’s not like I’m looking for a relationship. I just wanna bone.
Teen ghetto girl #1: I need to bring you to church. You need every kind of religion there is.
–1 train
Overheard by: inge
It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles
Skinny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it happened. It’s one of those things you have nightmares about.
Skinny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t people know they shouldn’t eat for at least two hours before?
Skinny NYU girl #1: Duh, totally. Who farts in the middle of yoga class?
Skinny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to therapy for months.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Michelle Eisenberg
