Archive for 2014

She Also Needs to Emerge Victorious from Every Conversation

(waiting for a train near the last few cars)
Guy: This train looks pretty crowded.
Girl: Yeah. Good thing Jackie isn’t with us.
Guy: What do you mean?
Girl: If Jackie can’t ride in the first car, she’ll wait for the next train.
Guy: Why?
Girl: “Because you get there first!” she says. Jackie! The whole train gets there at the same time!

–Pen Station

Overheard by: GregLarry

That’s What You Said About Your Penis!

Regular-looking middle aged white guy, looking at discarded couch on sidewalk: If only Christopher Reeve had lived to see this.

–Montague St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Special K

According to the Mug My Kids Made Me

Dude: So I’ll probably drive everyone home from the bar tonight.
Girlfriend: Really? Awesome!
Dude: Yeah, we go out all the time, and I’m almost always the dd.
Girlfriend: Wow, that’s really great of you.
Dude: Yeah, I’m really good at driving drunk. I’m like the world’s best drunk driver!

–Terminal 5, JFK

Overheard by: Don’t think that’s what DD stands for

It’s Important to Have a Cause

Dude: It was just so scary to overhear people talking on their cell phones saying all those things you associate with disaster.
Chick: Yeah.
Male passerby on cell: The problem with so many women is just that they don’t have the right amount of support! I know more women who live miserably because they are wearing the wrong cup size! Just get measured!

–Central Park South

That’s the Last Time I’ll Try Something New, “Just for Kicks.”

Oldish lady #1: So, how have you been?
Oldish lady #2: Well, I just had a horrible experience! People always told me that ultrasounds were worse than childbirth, and I never believed them. You know, I never had children. But really! They were doing an ultrasound and I’ve never experienced anything more painful in my entire life! And then they couldn’t find my gallbladder! It was horrible!

–37 Arts, W 37th St

Overheard by: hunterfosterspitsalot

Raise Your Hand If You Think Her Dog Is Doomed

Girl #1: Ohmigod, that dog for adoption is so cute!
Girl #2: Get her. You should totally get a dog.
Girl #1: I want her! I want her! Then I’ll have someone to snuggle with, and I can force myself to go on walks in Central Park.
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Ohhhhhh, and then I’ll be forced not to be a slut, cause I can’t sleep out, since I’ll have to come home to feed the dog!
Girl #2: (explodes with laughter)

–Amsterdam & 74th St