Archive for 2014

Who Says Young People Today Don’t Plan Ahead?

Guy #1: You coming back to school with me?
Guy #2: No, you transfer to the 7 train at Grand Central, I’ll stay on the 4 to the Bronx so I can go home and jerk off, then I’ll meet you back at school.
Guy #1: Okay.

–Union Square


But You Know What They Say — “Beer Before Liquor; Fly There Quicker”

Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. (under his breath but still audible) I should drink less.

–JFK Tarmac

Overheard by: seat 32B

Homelessness, Solved

Drunk girl #1: I wanna sleep here! Just because I wanna sleep outside of Doc Holliday’s doesn’t make me a bad person.
Drunk guy: I wanna sleep here! Don’t ever make me get up!
Drunk girl #2: You can not sleep outside of a saloon in Alphabet City. That makes you trash. Sleeping on the streets makes you trash. Would you please get up?
Drunk guy: Fine, but you better find me some drugs.

–Doc Holliday’s

Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.

Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks!

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: office peon

Headline by: desire

Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” — Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” — Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” — Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” — digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” — abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” — Idiocracy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest