(man instructing son to stay in the crosswalk)
Man: Don’t wander off into the street.
Son: Why? Why do I have to stay between the lines?
Man: Stay between the lines and you’ll be rich. You’ll be rich.
Son: What do you mean?
Man: It means you get paid if a car hits you.
–Surf Ave & Stillwell Ave
Overheard by: Amanda Haag
Lady: So I do everything my friends do. She starting dating a Turkish guy, so so did I.
–Hookah Bar, Ave B & 6th St
Overheard by: HookahFanatic
Teenage girl to another: His name was “ingles,” but he didn’t know a single word of ingles. That’s ironical.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Karishma Gurtu
Father to two young sons: There were 1.5 million Manhattan Indians, so only the Dutch could tell you what happened to them.
–Outside the Federal Reserve
20-something girl to friend: I think I must be French. It takes me like, five hours to finish a sandwich.
–Broadway & 39th St
Woman: At least the earrings weren’t as expensive as a Chinese daughter.
–116th St & 8th
Overheard by: Matt & Stacy
Guy: My dream is to fart into a bullhorn.
Girl: Wow — reach for the stars!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Lucy
Male barista: Sorry, we’re closed.
20-something girl: Can I get a tea bag to go?
–Café, Washington Square Park
Girl: I hate clowns.
Clown guy: We hate you too.
–Church Avenue F station
Overheard by: sarah
Middle-aged guy: So yeah, after I broke my ankle playing racquetball, I can’t really play basketball anymore.
Old guy: Well, can you still go hiking?
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I guess so, since it’s not like, high impact.
Old guy: …What about trampolines?
Middle-aged guy: Naw, man. Those days are over.
–A train
Overheard by: Aryn M
Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It’s painful.
–Lehman College
Film student #1: It’s kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!
–Outside of Guggenheim
Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn’t this time… but I couldn’t, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Melissa
Queer to female friend: I was watchin’ Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin’ ’bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.
–J Train
Guy: That’s the new American dream – fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.
–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Middle-aged lady #1: Ewww, she’s not even sexy.
Middle-aged lady #2: Well, she’s engaged, so someone must find her sexy.
Middle-aged man: That’s probably because she has fake boobs.
–Staten Island Ferry terminal
Overheard by: Yvie B
Ghetto guy #1: Yo, man, phone your mom.
Ghetto guy #2: Yeah, hurry up, we about to go in the tunnel.
Ghetto guy #3: Yo, I’m Superman, nigga. I can do whatever I want.
–1 train, 125th St
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m excited to come up and visit you, but I heard your school has a lot of STDs. Should I even bother bringing my cock?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist