Archive for 2014

Which One’s the “Smart” Friend? Show Your Work.

Girl #1: I am just not a fan of the Jonas Brothers.
Girl #2: I don’t know, the one with cancer is pretty cute.
Girl #1: What? I don’t think any of them have cancer…
Girl #2: Yeah, the youngest one.
Girl #1: He doesn’t have cancer, he has diabetes.
Girl #2: Oh, right! Because if he had cancer, he wouldn’t have all that hair.

–Washington Square Park

When I Chain You to the Treadmill Tonight, I’ll Be Doing It with Love

Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.

–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th

New York Is Full of Women with Identical Scowls

Hobo #1, to chick passerby: Hey! Good morning! You should smile more — you’re beautiful!
Hobo #2: She’s not that pretty.
Hobo #1: I beg to differ!
Hobo #2: Hey, man, if you want to go worship her preppy ass, go for it, but she’s not that special.

–Tompkins Square Park

Let’s Just Say My Name Used to Be “Bob”

Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: rko