Archive for 2014

Wednesday One-Liners Prevent Scurvy

16-year-old girl to girlfriend, with contempt: Are you eating a banana? You’re just like my mother!

–AIDS walk, Central Park

Man to female coworker: No, my head really looks more like a grapefruit than a peanut.

–1250 Broadway

From the flight deck before takeoff: I’m only gonna say this once: You have to turn off your laptop, iPod, Game Boy, CD player, BlackBerry, blueberry, strawberry, cherry, and Halle Berry — yes, you have to turn her off, too! You have to turn off anything that isn’t keeping you alive.

–JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: B.G.

Teen boy to friend: Did you know that in California it’s illegal to peel an orange in a hotel room?

–34th & 6th

Hipster girl: I have an apple and some Prozac.

–19th & 6th

Hot chick: My boyfriend actually just said to me, ‘I think you should learn how to shoot grapes out of your pussy!’ Then he made space-gun noises.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Argopelter

Wednesday One-Liners Are Feeling Prickly

Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!

–A train

Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?

–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee

Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!

–23rd & 5th

NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.

–F train, between York St & E Broadway

Overheard by: j. asner

Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.

–Broadway & LaSalle

Overheard by: nekko-chan

Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’

–JMZ train, Myrtle stop

Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!

As Real As NYU Gets, Nowadays.

Female NYU student: Like, my mom went to NYU. Like, when it was real.
Male student: Yeah, my dad went to NYU.
Female NYU student: Like, before Stern was called Stern, and it got shut down by the government because it was like, communist.
Female NYU student: I haven’t showered in like, two days. I like, stink. I can smell myself.

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: saucy jade

Wait, David the Neighbor’s Son, or David the Horny Neighborhood Yeti?

Girl: So, who did you piss off?
Actor: What? What do you mean?
Girl: Who did you piss off? Did you read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why?
Girl: You didn’t read it? Go read your script, and you’ll see what I mean.
Actor: No, what? Come on, tell me. Why?
Girl: You didn’t read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why? Tell me.
Girl: They’ve got you with a David*, making out on the dining room table. Who did you piss off?

–ABC Cafeteria

Overheard by: Mojosaves

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her. 

–N train

All Firemen Have Mustaches, Sweetie

Girl: I met a real New York City fireman today.
Guy: Did you fall in love with him?
Girl: No, he was Mexican.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sam