Archive for 2014

Tun­nel­dumb and Tun­nel­dumber

Les­bian #1: The G train al­ways takes so long be­tween stops, es­pe­cial­ly since it’s not go­ing in a tun­nel.
Les­bian #2: But it does go through a tun­nel.
Les­bian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tun­nel un­der wa­ter.
Les­bian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not go­ing un­der wa­ter.
Les­bian #1: I al­ways won­dered how they make those tun­nels.
Les­bian #2: They have one of those ma­chines, that goes in cir­cles.
Les­bian #1: Oh, okay…
Les­bian #2: You know, the one that goes in cir­cles re­al­ly quick­ly?
Les­bian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tun­nel in the wa­ter, does it go in the wa­ter, or un­der the wa­ter?
Les­bian #2: Un­der the wa­ter.
Les­bian #1: Oh, right.

–G train

Warn­ing: Cross-dress­ing has been found to cause can­cer in lab­o­ra­to­ry an­i­mals

Cus­tomer: I’m look­ing for a book. The com­put­er said it was in stock when I was here be­fore but it was­n’t on the shelf. Can you check to see if it’s say­ing that it’s still in stock?
Clerk: Sure.
Cus­tomer: It’s called Drag Di­aries.
Clerk: Yeah, it’s say­ing that there’s one in stock but we sold a copy in May. That might be the one we’re show­ing as still in stock.
Cus­tomer: Right.
Clerk: It would be in gay stud­ies. You can check again.
Cus­tomer: Then do you have any­thing on crys­tal heal­ing?

–The Strand

Go Back to Is­rael!

Jew­ess: That’s the third time you men­tioned Jews. What’s wrong with Jews?
Goy: They are de­mand­ing, con­fronta­tion­al, and have a hard time telling the truth. What re­li­gion are you, any­way?
Jew­ess: Uh…Baptist.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: J. Pe­ter Jones

Pen­cil En­vy

A boss ap­proach­es his em­ploy­ee, hold­ing up two pieces of lead for a re­tractable pen­cil.

Boss: I don’t ask you to do much, but can you tell me which one of these is big­ger?

–UES

Over­heard by: Min­di Laine