Archive for 2014

Mass Suf­fer­ing Is the New Black

Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Have you seen the “Save Dar­fur” shirts? I want one.
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: No.
(af­ter ten min­utes)
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: See? Here’s the “Save Dar­fur” shirt. I re­al­ly want one.
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: What’s that?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: “Save Dar­fur”.
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: What?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: You know, in Africa, where all that geno­cide is hap­pen­ing…
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: Oh. (pause) I love the col­or!
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah.

–Dress­ing Room, Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, 72nd Street & Broad­way

Over­heard by: ewg

Yeah, I Love Tren­ton in the Spring­time

Chick #1: I can’t wait to hang out next se­mes­ter!
Chick #2: Oh, I won’t be here.
Chick #1: Where are you go­ing?
Chick #2: Dude, I’ll be in Paris for spring se­mes­ter.
Chick #1: What? Who from Jer­sey goes to Paris?
Chick #2: Hel­lo, Liz from Jer­sey.
Chick #1: Dude, you’re gonna miss Jer­sey so much!
Chick #2: I know.
Chick #1: Yeah, Paris is so lame. You so should­n’t go.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Use “Sum­mer” As a Verb

Old­er woman to friend: Down there where the ser­vants are, you know, where the gar­den­ing peo­ple and the kitchen is, I don’t go there. I just don’t go there.

–38th & 5th

Over­heard by: gar­den in man­hat­tan?

Greek Princess shop­ping for wed­ding rings: This is­n’t the more ex­pen­sive ring I want­ed but we just bought an apart­ment in the 70s.

–Tiffany’s Sec­ond Floor

Over­priv­i­leged teenage girl on cell: The bour­geoisie… The bour­geoisie are like, the com­mon peo­ple.

–Union Square

Col­lege girl: No, I mean se­ri­ous­ly: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Flo­rence?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mom­my, how do you spell “Forbes”?

–Restau­rant, Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: jess

K.d. Langs­day One-Lin­ers

Chat­ty woman: There were two les­bians, or trans­sex­u­als, or what­ev­er you call it…

–26th St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Crazy shout­ing hobo: Les­bians are rapists! Les­bians are rapists! You stick your tongue in a pussy, you’re a rapist! Rapist les­bians! Les­bians are rapists!

–E Train

Woman on cell: Of course I thought she was a les­bian! She walked like a dude!

–Sun­set Park, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Mid­dle aged woman to male on train, in one breath: Sci­en­tists say that in 2012 the sun will line up with the milky way and change the axle on the earth and you know it is hard to be a black les­bian cause most of these women just get tired of men and have sex with a woman but that does­n’t mean they are bi­sex­u­al just be­cause they have sex with men and women and they ain’t re­al­ly les­bians they just think they are cause they have sex with women…

–D Train

Over­heard by: thomas

Nor­mal-look­ing girl to girl­friends: Do you know how many woman hit on me when I was in San Fran­cis­co?

–Bed­ford & 6th

Man on street: Does any­body need a les­bian lover? Be­cause I’ll get a sex change…

–79th St & Broad­way

An Amuse-Bouche Douche

Drunk mid­dle aged la­dy: Aww, love is great…you and your boyfriend are such a cute cou­ple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He’s not my boyfriend. I’m just sleep­ing with him.
Drunk mid­dle aged la­dy (laugh­ing): Re­al­ly? Good for you, he’s cute. Well, maybe it’ll turn in­to some­thing more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He’s an asshole…but he’s amaz­ing in bed and he’s fun com­pa­ny… He’s like a vi­bra­tor that makes ap­pe­tiz­ers.

–White Horse Tav­ern

Over­heard by: the birth­day girl