Teenage girl #1: Yo I heard they have, like, a…circle, and they think it’s art.
Teenage girl #2: Shit’s retarded.
–in front of MoMA, W. 53rd Street
Overheard by: David Last
Fat guy: Yeah, this O’Connor thing is really big. Most people don’t know this, but the Supreme Court has the final say over all laws that are passed. I think they approve it before even the President does. Like I said, it’s big.
–Florent, Gansevoort Street
Overheard by: Hampton Catlin
Queer: I mean, I’ve seen one before, and they’re just nasty.
Girl: Well, they’re not naturally nasty. Naturally, they’re furry death traps.
–NYU
Queer #1: I could fly from here to San Francisco.
Queer #2: Straight?
–19th & Broadway
Texas girl: Oh look, y’all! It’s a half moon. That means tomorrow will be a 3⁄4 moon, and then the next night will be a full moon.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: andybennett
Chick #1: You shouldn’t have slept with him. You knew that would really hurt his girlfriend…
Chick #2: Yeah, I know, but we were both so high on coke that neither of us should be held responsible for our actions.
–Starbucks, 50th & 9th
Overheard by: sketchy
Roommate #1, from kitchen: Hey, have you seen my pot?
Roommate #2: Wait… The one you cook with?
Roommate #1: Yeah.
Roommate #2: Oh! Uh, no.
–Pratt Institute
Headline by: usual suspect
Runners-Up:
· “Awkward Moments Like This Are Why Chamber Pots Went Out Of Fashion” — allison
· “Guess I’m Using the Water Bong to Make Noodles Then…” — Zuel Beast
· “LIES! You Know You Meant BOTH!” — Whee!
· “The Meth Lab Was Never As Well Organized As the Living Room” — batou187
· “Wait, Did It Have Doritos in It?” — Jay Walke
· “Wait, the One You Put the Brownies In, or the One You Put in the Brownies?” — j3rry
Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: cg
Southern housewife #1, waiting for flight: Chinatown was scary – there was nooooobody that looked like us.
Southern housewives #2-#7: (all gasp)
Southern housewife #1: Noooooobody that looked like us!
–LaGuardia Airport
Lesbian #1: Oh, that store is so much fun!
Lesbian #2: What would we possibly need there?
–Condomania, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Danie
Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Laura Grossman
Female hipster on cell: I’m coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?
–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez
Girl on cell: I haven’t done coke in like a week. It’s been a rough week.
–Upper East Side
Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That’s false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.
–Broadway & Wooster
Overheard by: ClassyGal
Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn’t tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.
–Central Park
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist