Old man: Hey! No sex in the street.
Teen boy tickling his girlfriend: Sorry, sir.
–Canal St
Archive for 2014
…to Buy Chocolate and Alcohol
Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?
–7th & Broadway
Headline by: Botticus
Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony
Gay Masons: Alright, Who Talked?
Little kid: No, you gotta do the secret handshake.
Friend: What?
Little kid: The secret handshake! [Stands behind friend and starts thrusting his hips against friend’s rear.] Boom! Boom! Boom!
Little kid’s mom: Josh, that’s not nice!
–65th & Broadway
Been There, Done Them
Naked chick #1: I tried to call you Sunday, but your boyfriend said you were taking a nap.
Naked chick #2: Oh, why?
Naked chick #1: Well, I was reading Craigslist and this guy said he’d give someone $100 for 14 pills of tetrazepam and I was like, “Wait a minute, I have that!”
Naked chick #2: So you were calling to ask me if you should sell drugs over the internet?
Naked chick #1: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Naked chick #2: Was there anyone on there offering money for a blowjob?
Naked chick #1: Um, no.
Naked chick #2: Because that’s another career option I wouldn’t recommend.
–14th Street Y sauna
Overheard by: klingrap
How to Explain “Trashy” to Non-Native Speakers
Lady gentrifier: Like Joey Buttafuoco?
Guy gentrifier: Yes, like Joey Buttafuoco.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jordamn!
I've Been Clapping Since You Were Born
Mother: Fairies like getting back in the pram.
Kid: I'm not a fairy!
Mother: Yes you are.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ashleigh
The Black Israelites Are Usually More Conspicuous
Bag lady: Hey, can I bum a smoke?
Hipster guy: I bummed this one.
Bag lady: Ching-chong, ching-ching-ching-ching-chong!
She enters CVS and comes back.
Bag lady: Ching-chong, ching-chong.
Hipster guy: You’re a fat ugly bitch.
Bag lady: You’re a chink.
Hipster guy: Why don’t you say that to my face?
Bag lady: I will. My boyfriend will kick your ass!
Hipster guy: Why do you have to start with me right now?
Bag lady: Because you’re a chink. You’re Chinese, right?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Japanese?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Umm…Korean?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Asian?
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Nakul Patel
Van Helsing Put His Stake in Her
Girl: Oh god! That woman stinks of garlic.
Guy #1 : What, the one picking her nose?
Guy #2: Maybe she’s trying to dislodge a clove of it or something…
Girl: No, it’s more chest-based. Like she rubbed it all over her breasts.
–F train
Gypsies and Germans? Sounds Familiar…
Girlfriend: Is that a caravan outside Deutsche Bank?
Boyfriend: Pikeys.
–Wall & William
Every Episode Of Cribs, in a Nutshell.
Black guy #1: So what do you think of my hood, yo?
Black guy #2: You livin' white, baby!
–SoHo
Overheard by: basquiat