Archive for 2014

He’ll Feel Su­pe­ri­or for About a Minute, Be­fore He Re­al­izes He’s in Brook­lyn

Train con­duc­tor: This is At­lantic Av­enue. If you don’t want to be left in the city get off now, if you are go­ing to the city, buck­le up… wooo hoooo!
Ghet­to woman: This nig­ga lost his mind.
Ghet­to child: Just like dad­dy?
Suit: Fuck­ing mo­rons! (walks off train)

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Got Off On At­lantic

Je­sus Was Cru­ci­fied Be­tween a Bad Wednes­day and a Good One-Lin­er

20-some­thing girl to friend: It was re­al­ly awk­ward talk­ing to him while hold­ing the bakla­va I was steal­ing.

–Barnard Col­lege

Over­heard by: Eliz­a­beth

Girl: No! I am not try­ing to rob a bank.

–Times Square

Woman, shout­ing to her­self in bath­room: Patrick Swayze’s in the bath­room, tryin’ to tell every­one to get out or they’re gonna get robbed!

–Wom­en’s Room, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Katie

Enor­mous­ly fat woman, with great pride: I could leave my un­cle alone in my house for hours, and he will not steal from me.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Paul

Mid­dle-aged busi­ness­woman in slow drug­store check­out line: I work up­stairs, and I can’t tell you the num­ber of times I’ve been here to pick some­thing up, and just walked right out with­out pay­ing for it be­cause they took so long.

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: slurpeefiend

I’ll Take “Les­bians Who Don’t Love Their Girl­friends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I’m a los­er?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven’t got­ten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There’s a guy trav­el­ing cross coun­try to fuck you! I don’t have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We’ll it’s not like she’s fly­ing cross coun­try just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can’t even get my girl­friend to come in from Jer­sey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jer­sey.

–Ele­phant & Cas­tle, West Vil­lage