Archive for 2014

He’ll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He’s in Brooklyn

Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don’t want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)

–Q Train

Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic

It’s Funny Because It’s Bigoted!

Southern tourist girl #1: Oh wow, this milk is so white and perfect!
Southern tourist girl #2: Just like our race!

–Whole Foods Market

Overheard by: Robert Whitehead

Jesus Was Crucified Between a Bad Wednesday and a Good One-Liner

20-something girl to friend: It was really awkward talking to him while holding the baklava I was stealing.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Girl: No! I am not trying to rob a bank.

–Times Square

Woman, shouting to herself in bathroom: Patrick Swayze’s in the bathroom, tryin’ to tell everyone to get out or they’re gonna get robbed!

–Women’s Room, Penn Station

Overheard by: Katie

Enormously fat woman, with great pride: I could leave my uncle alone in my house for hours, and he will not steal from me.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Paul

Middle-aged businesswoman in slow drugstore checkout line: I work upstairs, and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been here to pick something up, and just walked right out without paying for it because they took so long.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: slurpeefiend

I’ll Take “Lesbians Who Don’t Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I’m a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven’t gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There’s a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don’t have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We’ll it’s not like she’s flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can’t even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village