Delivery guy, bringing soda that wasn’t delivered the first time: You ordered a mistake?
Man: Huh?
Delivery guy: Somebody ordered a mistake?
–117th & 2nd
Overheard by: cerebral pauly
Archive for 2014
New York City Subway Stories
Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.
–F train
Overheard by: Cole Couture
Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now.
–1 train
Overheard by: Hayley
Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train.
At the next stop most of the car clears out.
Man: That’s what I’m talking about.
–A train
A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck.
Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!
–C train
Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor’s booth and asked: Is that the bathroom?
–A train
Like the British Invasion Itself
NYU chick as “Back in the USSR” plays: Why are they playing so much 80s music?
NYU dude: It’s cool, it’s The Beatles.
NYU chick: Such a weird song, like Russia’s all great or something.
NYU dude: I think it’s supposed to be ironic.
–Bleecker & Broadway
His Dream Is to Fuck a Brain in a Jar / Stephen Hawking
Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.
–11th & University
Overheard by: Maggie
Why Woody Harrelson Always Looks Lost: Explained.
Girl: Are you lost?
Man: No, I just smell weed.
–10th & 5th
Overheard by: Rum Tum Ting
Snooki and Jionni Are at It Again
Girlfriend: But you said I exhaust you.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you do… You drain my life.
–Herlad Square
They’ll Make You the Life of the Party
(looking at the blown up condoms)
Boy: Dad, I don’t think those are balloons.
Dad: No, they’re balloons.
–Nokia Theatre
Overheard by: Kristina
Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.
–Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought “No Country for Old Men” was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
–SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to “Silence of the Lambs”…
–Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!
–48 Bus
See, E.g., Scrubbing Bubbles V. American Bar Association
Teenage tourist #1: Why are American toilets so dirty?
Teenage tourist #2: Because people want to sue.
–Broome Street, Bathroom Line
Overheard by: The Messenger
Madame Sosostris Doesn’t Tell Her Ad Agency Everything
Man passing out fliers: Psychic readings, only $5. Psychic reading, $5, guys. (steps off the curb and is nearly clipped by a bicycle)
Young woman: Shoulda seen that coming.
–28th & 7th
Overheard by: Kevin
