Archive for 2014

New York City Sub­way Sto­ries

Con­duc­tor #1: This is 34th Street. Trans­fer is avail­able to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Con­duc­tor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.

–F train

Over­heard by: Cole Cou­ture

Hip­ster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went ex­press, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the up­town train.
Home­boy: Or you could take your chances, break the win­dow with a crow­bar and jump out now.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Hay­ley

Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling peo­ple get the hell off the train.

At the next stop most of the car clears out.

Man: That’s what I’m talk­ing about.

–A train

A Black kid and his His­pan­ic girl­friend are ar­gu­ing on the train. The kid is hold­ing her in the seat and she is try­ing to rip off his shirt. The en­tire car is watch­ing, as if it were a car wreck.

His­pan­ic girl: You’re al­ways show­ing off!
Black kid: What?
His­pan­ic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
His­pan­ic girl: Get off me!
Black pas­sen­ger guy: Man, why’s it al­ways got­ta be our peo­ple pulling this shit? You nev­er see White peo­ple pulling this shit. You nev­er see Chi­nese peo­ple pulling this shit. Man!

–C train

Two women were sit­ting next to each oth­er, one clear­ly from New York, the oth­er not. The tourist woman ges­tured with her chin at the con­duc­tor’s booth and asked: Is that the bath­room?

–A train

Please Si­lence Your Phone Dur­ing the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Prep­py girl: I re­al­ly loved that movie. I thought it was tit­il­lat­ing… And not just be­cause there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Av­enue

Guy to self: Broke­back moun­tain… Star­ring Hillary Clin­ton!

–Her­ald Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Os­car and all, but I thought “No Coun­try for Old Men” was pret­ty bor­ing. I have to ad­mit though the chore­og­ra­phy was amaz­ing.

–So­Ho

Thug, ped­dling pile of DVDs: Ghet­to Block­buster! I am your ghet­to Block­buster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [An­oth­er group of cus­tomers walks in.] I got that ac­tion, com­e­dy, ro­mance and I got that pussy! I am your friend­ly neigh­bor­hood ghet­to Block­buster.

–24 Hour Mc­Don­alds, Wa­ter & Moore

Over­heard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hip­ster: You’d think you can’t have sex to “Si­lence of the Lambs”…

–Huron St, Green­point

Over­heard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like mur­der, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus