Archive for 2014

Dat­ing in NYC: A Short Sto­ry

Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jew­ish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jew­ish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like be­cause, like, both cul­tures are so, like, in­to fam­i­ly? Like Jews are re­al­ly in­to fam­i­ly and Asians are re­al­ly in­to fam­i­ly?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But al­so? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jew­ish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s re­al­ly cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.

–N/R 8th street sta­tion

A Meet­ing of the Spring Street Young Re­pub­li­cans Club

Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Ma­trix. And when­ev­er we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cook­ing. Then we put them back. They should­n’t be al­lowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea un­til they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that’s a bit more hu­mane, I guess.

–Spring & Var­ick

Imag­ine How Rude Peo­ple Would Be With­out the Cour­tesy Cops

Hobo, eat­ing a chick­en ke­bab: I want me some pussy. I don’t care where it’s from. I just re­al­ly want me some pussy to fuck. I wan­na make her pussy go (sticks tongue out of mouth) pfffffffff.
Girl on street: Al­right. That’s enough.

–W 4th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: KTand­Sheila

A Wednes­day One-Lin­er a Day Keeps the Doc­tor Away

Guy on cell: So she does­n’t have a uri­nary tract in­fec­tion? Fan­tas­tic.

–JFK Air­port

Woman to el­der­ly man she’s been fol­low­ing: Why did you cough at me when you walked by? Why? Why? Why you do that to me? Why did you cough at me when you walked by? Tell me why? Why?! I should have You Tubed it! Smh!

–Flush­ing

Over­heard by: Maria

Guy in line on cell: Yeah, I’m comin back from the doc­tor’s of­fice, I may have to get surgery, they are still try­ing to fig­ure out if I have can­cer in my nuts.

–Deli near Park & 28th

Tran­ny on cell: Yeah, my hor­mones make my stom­ach hurt.

–Wood­side, Queens

Cof­fee cart guy, ar­gu­ing with fe­male cus­tomer: You can’t do four sug­ars! Four sug­ars is di­a­betes!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: No sug­ar

Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Iden­ti­cal

Loud chick to male com­pan­ion: And she sings when she or­gasms! Like, “a‑a-a-a-aaaah!” and “e‑e-e-e-eeeeeee!”

–Down­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Man out­side Star­bucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an or­gasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Star­bucks, 14th St

Over­heard by: Eliz­abel

Sub­way mu­si­cian: Y’all bet­ter be good ’cause San­ta Claus on­ly comes once a year. But that’s be­tween him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Sub­way Plat­form

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch or­gasm.

–Pos­man Books, Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: ant

Hot chick to an­oth­er: You’re like the Moth­er Tere­sa of or­gasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Chuck Bass