Lady: I hate it when lawyers ask the same questions twice.
Clerk: Yeah, I know.
Lady: No matter how you rephrase it, the answer is still the same.
Clerk, laughing: Yeah.
Lady: I tell you: book smart, a little dense.
–Court Building, Centre St
Archive for 2014
No More Montessori School for You, Young Man.
Gangster to son: Yo, nigga, you better not do crack when you grow up.
Gangster son: When I be big, I’ma be a dancer!
–Broadway & Laffayette
Overheard by: alexjeff
Dating in NYC: A Short Story
Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s really cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
–N/R 8th street station
A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club
Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn’t be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that’s a bit more humane, I guess.
–Spring & Varick
You’re Both Right! And Both Nerds
Nerd kid #1: Look! I’m demonstrating gravity!
Nerd kid #2: No, you’re not. That’s pseudo-force!
–3 train
Imagine How Rude People Would Be Without the Courtesy Cops
Hobo, eating a chicken kebab: I want me some pussy. I don’t care where it’s from. I just really want me some pussy to fuck. I wanna make her pussy go (sticks tongue out of mouth) pfffffffff.
Girl on street: Alright. That’s enough.
–W 4th & Broadway
Overheard by: KTandSheila
“Take Your Mother to Work Day” Was a Better Idea in Theory Than in Practice
Man #1: … So that’s the real problem with being a drug dealer.
Man #2, noticing shocked little old lady: Yeah, I guess… Can we talk about this later?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Cameron Rose
A Wednesday One-Liner a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
Guy on cell: So she doesn’t have a urinary tract infection? Fantastic.
–JFK Airport
Woman to elderly man she’s been following: Why did you cough at me when you walked by? Why? Why? Why you do that to me? Why did you cough at me when you walked by? Tell me why? Why?! I should have You Tubed it! Smh!
–Flushing
Overheard by: Maria
Guy in line on cell: Yeah, I’m comin back from the doctor’s office, I may have to get surgery, they are still trying to figure out if I have cancer in my nuts.
–Deli near Park & 28th
Tranny on cell: Yeah, my hormones make my stomach hurt.
–Woodside, Queens
Coffee cart guy, arguing with female customer: You can’t do four sugars! Four sugars is diabetes!
–Union Square
Overheard by: No sugar
Bloggers Aren’t Really Writers
Guy: So are you, like, a writer?
Hobo: Umm…no.
–69th & 3rd
Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical
Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, “a‑a-a-a-aaaah!” and “e‑e-e-e-eeeeeee!”
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)
–Starbucks, 14th St
Overheard by: Elizabel
Subway musician: Y’all better be good ’cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that’s between him and Mrs. Claus.
–W 4th St Subway Platform
Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.
–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: ant
Hot chick to another: You’re like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!
–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chuck Bass
