Woman: …get on the bus because I’m running late for work.
Crazy lady: I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re late for work! I don’t care if you get to work and your boss punches you in the face and breaks your nose! I have the right to look for a seat!
Bus: …
Crazy lady storms off the next bus.
Woman: Every day she does that. I can’t take it anymore.
–X37 bus
Dude: … So she smoked some pot and said, ‘This isn’t working. I need to shoot some heroin.’
–26th St & 8th Ave
Professor: Every good professor smokes marijuana.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: soccerking3t
Fat guy: Hey, I just finished running the marathon — let’s call Jeff and go get high!
–12th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: off white
Young pothead: Hey, lady, could you spare some change to help support my marijuana habit?
–Borough Hall Park, Staten Island
Future teacher: I think we should let the kids smoke pot everyday after lunch… You know, just for kindergarten.
–Spruce St & Gold St
Overheard by: Kim
Chick on cell: For some reason that reminds me of The Bell Jar. But probably, I’m just still high.
–West 4th St & Greene
Little girl: Mommy! Is that Times Square!? I see lights, mommy! It’s Times Square!
Mommy: Umm… Where, honey? We’re not there yet.
Little girl: Yes, we are! Look, mommy! Look at the lights! Peep World, mommy! Peep World!
–33rd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: I want that to be my kid.
Dude: Do you want to dance?
Chick: No, sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Dude: That’s okay, I’m gay.
Chick: Are you sure?
Dude: Am I sure? Yes! [Girl walks away.] Okay, fine, I’m not sure.
–Webster Hall, NYU
Guy: Remember when your shit was all yellow and shit? Remember that? What happened then?
Girl: I DON’T CARE!
–Broadway & Grand
Man: … And this made you think you were narcoleptic?
Woman: Yeah, but it turns out I’m just pregnant.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: George Bush
Female umbrella buyer: Why you callin’ me “ma’am”?
Male umbrella seller: “Ma’am” means “a female.” You’re a female, right?
Female umbrella buyer: You’re a female too!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Morgan
Latina: He could just touch a spot and get you off.
Latino: Jesus could get you off just thinkin’ about you.
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overly tanned gentleman with crisp white shirt: Yo, my brotha, you gotta bib?
Waiter: Uhhh…
–Cafe, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Amanda
Bimbette #1: Yeah, her roommate totally has a beard. It’s, like, hairy on her face.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god!
Bimbette #1: I know! She also wears, like, purple eyeshadow.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god!
Bimbette #1: I know! I am so mean right now.
–W 49th & Broadway
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist