Archive for 2014

Wednes­day White-Lin­ers

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug ad­dicts, and now they’re the on­ly peo­ple I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the ad­dicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the ger­bil in Vase­line and then dip it in co­caine, it just slips right up there.

–The Vil­lage

Chick: That’s what hap­pens when you sniff bak­ing pow­der — any­one would be shak­ing…

–LIRR

Over­heard by: tanech­ka

Girl on cell: I know! I re­al­ly need to stop call­ing my mom when I’m on coke.

–Wa­ver­ly & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Se­cu­ri­ty guard to an­oth­er: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Car­pet & Home store, 18th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was sup­posed to be a part-time barista, but I was ac­tu­al­ly a full-time coke-head.

–Sul­li­van St, So­ho

Man to en­tire train: It’s hard to tol­er­ate you, be­cause you would have been noth­ing but a drug deal­er in the ’80s!

–6 train

Over­heard by: xan

Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a per­son, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.

–Max, Ave. B

Guy on cell: Lis­ten man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on any­thing and they’ll buy it. Put his fuck­ing face on a fuck­ing bot­tle of wa­ter and they’ll fuck­ing buy it!

–28th St. and Park Av­enue

Over­heard by: G Var­od

Woman on cell: There’s on­ly one word for this par­ty. And it is “epic.”

–CPW and 110th St.

Yo Mom­ma So Wednes­day, She One-Lin­ers!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my moth­er to thank her. (pause) No, I said, “Mom, I’m call­ing on be­half of me and the girls to thank you very much.” (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck her­self then.

–90th & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy re­al­ly likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain’t nev­er gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: smfd

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent to friend: We re­al­ly need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Oh re­al­ly

Guy: So, hey, my mom did­n’t die to­day.

–W 26th & 8th

Over­heard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneak­ing in­to open con­duc­tor’s room in front of the train: Next stop, your moth­er’s ass­hole! Stand clear of the clos­ing cheeks!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Adri­ana

Hand­bag sell­er on street cor­ner: Yo! Tell yo ma­ma I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m bussin’ it for now, my mom’s on this thing that I have to show her re­spon­si­bil­i­ty… I know, it’s like I get up in the morn­ing, I haven’t got­ten ar­rest­ed in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Wa­ter­bury, Stat­en Is­land