Girl: Yo, my neighborhood is so ghetto.
Guy: What? It isn’t ghetto. You’ve got a doormat.
–1 train
Archive for 2014
He Got the Shaft?
Woman to man in Halloween costume: Are you one of the Chilean miners?
Man: Yes I am.
Woman: Are you the 34th miner?
Man: The one nobody talks about?
Woman: No, the one they ate.
–1 Train
Overheard by: CE
Girls Talk About Food Like Guys Talk About Girls
Girl #1: Oh my god! I love, like, a good avocado. Like a really flavorful, ripe, good avocado. When they're, like, really good for you.
Girl #2: Yeah, and olives.
Girl #1: Oh my god. Olives.
–Alphabet City
We’ll Never Understand the Stay Puf’t Marshmallow Man’s Appeal
Teenybopper twelve-year-old #1: He was cute and all, but not oozing or anything.
Teenybopper twelve-year-old #2: Oh no honey, he was definitely oozing. He was hot.
–R Train
Overheard by: Fareesa
Wednesday One-Liners Remember When It Just Meant “Happy?”
Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: uninvited party guest
Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.
–Avents
Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay?
–35th & Broadway
Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.
–10 express bus
French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there?
–Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind
The One Who Denied It, Al Qaida
Guy #1: Dude, what the hell’s that smell?
Guy #2: Josh fucking farted again.
Guy #1: Dude, if someone lit a match right now it’d be like 9/11.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Tim
The Food or the Singer?
Girl (pointing at Nano ad on side of phone booth): Look, it's those iPods I want to eat.
Guy: Eat them? They do kind of look like Skittles.
Girl: Yes, mmmmm! I want to eat them!
Guy: What would the gray one taste like?
Girl: Meatloaf.
–56th & 9th
Overheard by: Guy who wouldn't eat them
Wednesday One-Liners Have a View to a Kill
God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio.
–R train
Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Laura
Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone.
–GWB Terminal, 175th St
Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.”
–10th St & 1st Ave
B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing.
–Knitting Factory, Leonard St
Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: acep & arielle
Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5.
–Central Park
Overheard by: MC
…Ashhole
Boyfriend: What's with all the crap on some people's foreheads?
Girlfriend, somewhat unsurprised: It's Ash Wednesday.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: K.
Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liner!
Hipster guy: He wants to write a book about how hipsters are all about being nihilistic and getting lung cancer from oral sex.
–Hop Scotch, Ave A
Hipster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my identity. I’m a film director, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a carpenter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make buildings… You can’t just choose to be a carpenter.
–Pepe Rosso’s, Sullivan St
Asian hipster chick: You know, when you ask someone what they’re doing and they say clearing their head? I don’t think you can really do that because when you say you’re clearing your head you are really thinking about clearing your head so it isn’t clear after all.
–A Train
Overheard by: kate
Über-hipster chick to another: Bitch! Brunch tomorrow or I’ll fucking smack that headband right off you!
–8th & Bedford, Brooklyn
Hipster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??!
–Hookah Bar, East Village
Overheard by: Marisa
Hipster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want anarchists at the socialist barbecue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin?
–125th St
Overheard by: Ali