Archive for 2014

He Got the Shaft?

Woman to man in Hal­loween cos­tume: Are you one of the Chilean min­ers?
Man: Yes I am.
Woman: Are you the 34th min­er?
Man: The one no­body talks about?
Woman: No, the one they ate.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: CE

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Re­mem­ber When It Just Meant “Hap­py?”

Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just re­mind me of that lat­er.

–Bush­wick

Over­heard by: un­in­vit­ed par­ty guest

Lem­ming: Are we still fol­low­ing the Gay­lords or are we be­com­ing In­de­pen­dent?

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Col­le­giate Cutie

Mid­west­ern­er: I had a dream that I had a lot of fun­ny fag­got friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.

–Avents

Met­ro­sex­u­al: So, I’m think­ing of be­com­ing gay. What about you? Are you still gay?

–35th & Broad­way

Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s re­al­ly gay — and I’m talk­ing gay­er than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t un­der­stand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New York­ers are re­al­ly sen­si­tive to planes crash­ing in­to build­ings — some­thing must have hap­pened a while ago or some­thing… Yeah, so I think I’m go­ing to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Al­though, he is ten years old­er than me, so if he’s look­ing for com­mit­ment he can have sex with me while he’s look­ing… It is not trashy — you can’t do any­thing trashy in your ear­ly 20s. I still have four more years un­til I have to even start think­ing about be­ing too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.

–10 ex­press bus

French woman: So this Gay­dar… It is like a radar? For the gays?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Lati­na on cell: I’ll fuck­ing kill him. I will. I’ll fuck­ing kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fuck­ing kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fuck­ing walk up to him and, like, stab him or some­thing. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the on­ly thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what oth­er op­tion is there?

–Gra­ham Ave, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Fol­low­ing Qui­et­ly Be­hind

…Ash­hole

Boyfriend: What’s with all the crap on some peo­ple’s fore­heads?
Girl­friend, some­what un­sur­prised: It’s Ash Wednes­day.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: K.

Go Back to Williams­burg, Wednes­day One-Lin­er!

Hip­ster guy: He wants to write a book about how hip­sters are all about be­ing ni­hilis­tic and get­ting lung can­cer from oral sex.

–Hop Scotch, Ave A

Hip­ster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my iden­ti­ty. I’m a film di­rec­tor, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a car­pen­ter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make build­ings… You can’t just choose to be a car­pen­ter.

–Pepe Rosso’s, Sul­li­van St

Asian hip­ster chick: You know, when you ask some­one what they’re do­ing and they say clear­ing their head? I don’t think you can re­al­ly do that be­cause when you say you’re clear­ing your head you are re­al­ly think­ing about clear­ing your head so it is­n’t clear af­ter all.

–A Train

Over­heard by: kate

Über-hip­ster chick to an­oth­er: Bitch! Brunch to­mor­row or I’ll fuck­ing smack that head­band right off you!

–8th & Bed­ford, Brook­lyn

Hip­ster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??!

–Hookah Bar, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Marisa

Hip­ster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want an­ar­chists at the so­cial­ist bar­be­cue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin?

–125th St

Over­heard by: Ali