Asian chick: So, like, what do people at your school wear?
Parsons guy: It varies. Some people dress like they’re homeless, and some dress really trendy, and there’s one girl that dresses like a gnome. You know, a fairy or something.
–Fung Wah bus
Archive for January, 2015
Isn’t That a Little Gay?
Teen #1 shopping in supermarket, to friends: I’m just saying fuck that fucking ass-cock!
Teen #2: Yo, son! Chill with all that loud ass cursing.
Teen #1: Nigga, I don’t give a fuck; bitch, fuck, titties, cock, ass, bitch, motherfucker! Fuck pussy ass bitches that don’t respect this lil ganster-nigga here! You feel me?!
Teen #2: Okay.
Teen #1 to supermarket worker: Get back to work, nigga, or I’ll slap you with my dick and piss on your carrots!
–Pioneer Supermarket, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ricanvelli
Seriously, Women’s Shoes Are Ridiculous
Man to woman, boarding train together: The next stop is 5th Avenue and Bryant Park. You know, you could’ve walked two more blocks and you would’ve been there.
Woman: But two blocks is a lot… I just walked four.
–7 Train
The Way We Were II: Mistier Memories
Teen girl #1: Do you remember that show you went to?
Teen girl #2: What show?
Teen girl #1: The show at Christmas time?
Teen girl #2: Oh, the one with the Rockettes? Yeah.
Teen girl #1: Yeah…
Teen girl #2: What about it? Is that all you gonna say?
Teen girl #1: Yeah.
–A train
Overheard by: Denise
The Bluebirds Who Usually Do It Have the Day Off
Punk girl: So he said he really wants to get me really drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Because he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I didn’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Ingss
You Leave Your Death Stars Exposed
Child #1: … Make you join the dark side.
Field trip chaperone: And what exactly is the dark side, Christopher?
Child #1: It’s Darth Vader.
Child #2: No, it ain’t! The dark side is when you’re wearing basketball shorts and nothing underneath.
–Crowded 6 train
Overheard by: Tea
Isn’t That Why the Lollipop Guild Was Formed?
Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.
–Williamsburg High School
Though I Think Of It As More Of a Divine Calling
Working man: Yo, what’s that?
Hobo, shaking cup of coins: Huh?
Working man: What is that?
Hobo: It’s a cup, you got any money?
Working man: Yeah, I got money in my pocket.
Hobo: Well, gimme some!
Working man: I ain’t got money to be givin’ away. I just did my eight hours.
Hobo: Well, I’m gettin’ my eight hours too, shit!
–F Train
Overheard by: ninja
She’ll Look Her Best Just Before She Disappears
Girl: I think my roommate is anorexic — she never eats, and she’s lost like 40 pounds this year.
Gay friend: Good for her!
–Dojo’s, East Village
You Just Know He Did a Fatty Arbuckle on Her
Guy: Can I get a Sparkling Mango?
His GF stares at him.
Guy: I’m very secure with my sexuality. And after making you come so sweetly–twice!–you should be too.
–Schiller’s, Rivington Street
Overheard by: Idan
