Archive for March, 2015

Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho.

–13th St. & 3rd Ave.

Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs.

–13th St. & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Chris Carter

Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”.

–F train

Overheard by: Nathalie

If You Have to Ask…

Guy: I just geeked out my profile by a million percent. What do you think?
Girl: Hold up, let me check…
Guy: So what do you think?
Girl: Yeah, that Evangelion child shit is weird.
Guy: Like how weird?

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Zah

Black Republicans Can Be Awfully Selfish

Conductor: We have been advised that the 2 train will not be stopping at 125th Street due to the President of the United States in Harlem.
Ghetto chick: Yo, why Obama gotta be fuckin up my commute, though… Like muthafucka gonna ride the 2 train.

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Make Friends with the Purple Monkey in the Corner

Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Matt M

Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot.

–Bleecker St

English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed?

–City College

Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die.

— CVS, 54th & Lex

Overheard by: Your Mom

Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict

–Columbia University

Overheard by: An offended crack addict

Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke.

–Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Wednesday One-Liners for Jesus

Docent: So they brought in this group from Wisconsin, and Barb called me to meet them out front, and she said "Now I want you to know that they're kind of rough and young", but I thought she'd said "rough nuns", so I said, "Rough nuns? In this day and age?"

–Carnegie Hall

Overheard by: Katarina

Art student: They were handing out free bibles, and the pages make great rolling paper!

–Astor place

Gay guy: I mean, I don't even believe in gay marriage. It's too steeped in religious tradition. We should make up something better and we can call it, like, super… Rainbow… Awesome hookup… Or something. Lesbians get a marriage pass, though. They're like already married in their heads when they meet, buying diapers and shit.

–R Train

Overheard by: jules

Big Latino thug: That's why I can't be religious! I see all these asses and… (gestures helplessly)

–35th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Courtwick