Archive for March, 2015

It’s Always the One You Most Suspect

Hispanic woman: …and then I caught him going through my pocketbook and I was like, “You betta get out of there”, because he might find something that looks like a Skittle but it’s really a pill. He gonna grow up to be a thief or somethin’.
White woman: He looks like a murderer.

–R train

Overheard by: Beast Boy 

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like Fries With That

Very large man, pointing at a McDonald’s: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?

–49th & 9th

Man wearing an “I Heart My Heart” shirt, to guy eating fast food: You’re just aching for that heart attack, aren’t you?

–46th & Broadway

Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It’s 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun…And then it gets even more confusing, ’cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don’t have shit on us.

–M11 bus

Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, “Quiero Taco Bell!”

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelsey

Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K…F…C?

–Broadway between 38th & 39th

Overheard by: Gregorio

Abort Playdate! Abort Playdate!

Little girl #1: Guess what my mom told me that your mom told her the other day when we were playing? She had another baby before you and it died!
Little girl #2: No, my mom said that I’m the oldest.
Little girl #1: You are now ’cause the other one died. She died before she was even born!
Little girl #2: That’s impossible! You can’t die before you are born!
Little girl #1: Yes you can. You can die before you are born, while you are born, or after. You can die at any time and you don’t even have to do anything bad.
Little girl #2: I don’t want to play with you anymore.

–Manhattan bound F train
Headline by: Krista 

· “At her house, Zoloft is served at snacktime” — Krisztina
· “Debbie Downer: The Early Years” — E
· “Did I say something wrong?” — PJ
· “Playtime With Wednesday Addams” — Gabbertoons
· “Sartre’s Daughter Had A Hard Time Making Friends” — xavier
· “She was later known as the girl who kicked pregnant women in the stomach “just to see what happened”” — Danielle
· “Sylvia Plath Never Did Get Along With The Other Kids” — Ariel
· “Was it something I said?” — Jared
· “Welcome to Ayn Rand Kindergarten” — Emily
· “When playdates go bad… next on Springer” — Jenn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!

Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.

–Greenwich Village

Headline by: RaRa

· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus–ROTFL” — ddv
· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” — RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” — allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” — Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” — chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” — blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” — MalG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest