Archive for April, 2015

Wednesday One-liners Make Me Sick

Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down.

–Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd

Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up.

–AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th

Overheard by: their waitress

Now What About the Statute of Librarians?

Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it’s on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I’m sorry, I don’t know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.

–Uptown 5 Train

Anyone Else Hope She’s Buying Birth Control?

Annoyed sexy girl: This is stupid! I don’t see how you can just think one city is older than another!
Embarrassed boyfriend: Think about it. Can’t you see how Rome would be much older than, say, Provo, Utah?
Annoyed sexy girl: Well, I’ve never been to either of those, so how would I know?

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica