Businessguy: …and then she said, “Let’s meet up in Barcelona next weekend.” Like that’s close!
Businesswoman: You have bonus miles though, don’t you? Plus, you need a vacation anyway, so why not?
Businessman: I’d rather have her come visit me on American soil, like we could go to Montreal for the Grand Prix maybe…
–70th & Lex
Girl #1: So I told her she should totally come to the beach on Saturday, and you know what she said? She said she can’t… she has her “lady friend.” And I was like “hello, tampon.“
Girl #2: I’m so over those.
Girl #1: That’s what she said too.
Girl #2: Word!
–Bathroom, Central Park Playground
Overheard by: Heather
Woman #1: I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That’d be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don’t really like children. I mean, I’d be willing to kill them, but I wouldn’t really want to deliver them…
–Nevada Smith’s, 3rd Avenue
Thug to friends: Look, whatever, but I have never found myself with a girl who has no face.
–Columbia University
Thug: Yo, I got a huge blunt in my pocket… Oh, wait, that’s my inhaler.
–Q train
Overheard by: djingo
Thug: Fuck that. Fuck that, nigga! If Bill Gates offered me 20 billion dollars to suck his cock, I’d swallow. Fuck.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: I would, too.
Thug athlete, after soccer game: You always be playin’ that shit. You play that shit here, you play that shit in basketball, you play that shit in choir…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: this guy
Thug on cell: I don’t know where I was, but they’s Germans everywhere in this hood! They on my left, right. Damn! [Looks around anxiously] Now I know how Patton felt, son!
–14th & Driggs
Teen thug to friend: Yo, man, have you looked at a map of Manhattan? Know what that shit looks like?!
–W 79th
Overheard by: Nikki W.
Suit on cell: If he doesn’t get me the fucking money, I’ll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I’ll kill that bitch?
–St. Mark’s
Old woman, to woman talking on Bluetooth headset: Excuse me, but are you talking to yourself?
Woman just looks at her and keeps talking.
Old woman: No, seriously! Are you talking to yourself? Because, if you are, you should be nicer to yourself.
–Central Park
Father: I don’t allow monsters into our apartment.
Daughter: Why?
–Queens Boulevard
Woman: I’ll give you one up the butt if you let me be a stay at home mom.
Man: Once for every year you stay home.
Woman: Once per child.
Man: Once for every two years, or I’ll be the stay at home.
Woman: Fine.
–Astor Place
Guy: I need to shit.
Girl: You know, smoking will make you have to shit even more.
Guy: Yeah, I know, they’re laxatives.
Girl: They are?
–80th & 1st
Young Betty #1: Well, then, just stop complaining and become a hooker.
Young Betty #2: I don’t even like sex with my boyfriend.
Young Betty #1: See? You’re already nuts… you might as well get paid.
–R Train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist