Archive for July, 2015

Per­haps We Could Dis­cuss Free Cof­fee…Wes­ley

Cof­fee ven­dor: That iced cof­fee will be eight dol­lars, and the straw will cost you fifty cents ex­tra, ha ha.
Cashier: Man, Joe, that cof­fee’s ex­pen­sive!
Cof­fee ven­dor: Why’d you got­ta say my name, man? What if my ba­by ma­ma came up in here look­ing for child sup­port and youse be sayin’ my name?!

–West­side Mar­ket

You Just Need Some Deep Wednes­day One-Liner­in’

Blonde girl: I can’t be­lieve he pulled his dick out. Ex­cept not re­al­ly. Ex­cept kind of. Ex­cept I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: in­no­cent by­stander

Crazy hobo, to him­self: Ger­i­tol. Yup, that’s what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain’t noth­in wrong with that. Noth­in wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain’t noth­ing wrong with that. She’s gonna get some Ger­i­tol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a lit­tle Ben­gay.

–Men’s Bath­room, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Phil

Sal­vado­ran guy, dis­cussing use of the word “fag­got”: They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fuck­ing joke.

–Law­ton St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Er­ic Fra­zier

Black guy: Man, I can’t wear tight pants be­cause I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds him­self)

–Penn Sta­tion

Fe­male Cen­tral Park cross­ing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Robert H

If You Love Wednes­day So Much, Why Don’t You One-Lin­er It?

Woman talk­ing to cute busi­ness­man: Oh I to­tal­ly love, like, wa­ter and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya ma­ma put ya put ya moth­a­fuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Ham­mer­stein Ball­room

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitch­es, I seen it all! Bitch­es, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yan­kees game last night? I said, who won the Yan­kees game last night?! Can I get a moth­er­fuck­ing an­swer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all nig­gas, black, white, fuck all y’all white nig­gas [Pause.] Bitch­es, hoes, Cadil­lacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and re­spect ba­by for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now ‑I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Out­side But­ler Li­brary, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

20-some­thing woman: I need more peo­ple in my life who love my knees.

–Down­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

Boy: I’m go­ing to have a busi­ness card made. Some fi­nance com­pa­ny. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: oya