Archive for December, 2015

…Away from Wit­ness­es

Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skate­board: Moooooooom! Go in­si­i­i­i­ide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neigh­bor: Did he just tell me to go in­side the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come in­side the house!

–Mon­roe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thought “El­e­meno” Was a Let­ter

La­dy on cell: Yes, that’s right. N as in ‘Nan­cy,’ M as in ‘um­brel­la’…

–Brook­lyn Botan­ic Gar­den

Con­duc­tor: This is a down­town V train — V as in ‘va­sec­to­my.’

–5th Ave

Over­heard by: Kim

MTA an­nounce­ment: The next train is a Brook­lyn-bound C train. C as in ‘Shelly.’

–59th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Trey Givens

Loud man on cell: No, no, her name starts with an F… No, F… F like in ‘phon­ics’! What? It does­n’t? Oh, well, I guess you could spell it that way, too.

–L train

Loud­speak­er: This is the B‑as-in-‘badass’ train. Trans­fer to the D and Four.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um sta­tion

Ghet­to girl on cell: C… No! C — like the last let­ter in ‘New York.’

–103rd & Lex

Ro­man­tic Come­dies Get Worse Every Year

Guy #1: Dude, I heard your ex was to­tal­ly cheap.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. Like one time she roomed with a re­tard­ed per­son to get re­duced rent.

–3rd Ave & St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: Bar­ton

Some of Us Call It Seared

Guy #1: The menu is on the board.
Guy #2: What’s the sea red dumpling?
Guy #1: Sea red? What are you talk­ing about?
Guy #2: Right there, monster…sea red.

–Dumpling Man, St. Marks Place

Over­heard by: Rathan Ha­ran