Archive for 2015

Like They’re Afraid of a Crime Happening in a Primarily Black Neighborhood or Something

Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.

Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.

Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!

–2 train

How Many Hipsters Does It Take…?

Hipster speeding by on bike #1: If we get into any trouble, just let me do the talking.
Hipster speeding by on bike #2: I didn’t know you spoke polish.

–Greenpoint


Sounds Like It Worked

White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you’re not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I’d get all self-conscious.

–6 train

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday-One-Liners

Thug: Why da hell should we tip her? We didn’t get nuthin fo’ free!

–Bubba Gumps

Overheard by: Gregorio

Man, reading newspaper: It’s the best kind of abuse! Free abuse!

–D train, 47th St

Overheard by: can i have some free abuse?

Girl: People are eating corn like it’s free out here!

–Union Square Farmer’s Market

Overheard by: Thompson

AM New York hawker on rainy day: Free paper! C’mon, free paper! Put it over your head!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ben

Newspaper guy: Get your free Daily News. Find out why Whitney’s back on crack. Free Daily News!

–59th St subway

Overheard by: MRP

Man: It was a gigantic free cupcake. I think that if I didn’t take it, then thirty years from now, I’d feel stupid.

–Office, Broadway & 55th St

Overheard by: Paul

Guy: I need a deserted island. A free one!

–6th Ave & Waverly Place

Overheard by: Jim G 

Penn Really Is Mean to Teller in Public

Man #1: High Street? Oh man, we’re back in Brooklyn.…
Man #2: Ummm, we never left Brooklyn. The next stop is in Manhattan.
Man #2: Do you see that young man over there? Do you want his first life lesson to be me whuppin’ yo’ ass?

–Manhattan bound A train

Like Shooting Wednesday One-Liners in a Barrel

Dude: My navel smells like fish.

–138th & Convent Ave

Overheard by: The City Planner

Thug: Yo, any saltwater fish — mad high maintenance!

–N train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Chick on cell: I mean, I don’t understand why he couldn’t just be supportive and eat the trout!

–83rd & 2nd

Dude, if I had gills, that’d be great. I’d be banging tons of mermaids.

–34th & Park

Man to female walking companion: We have so much in common! Do you also think that scallions are seafood?

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Rachel