Archive for 2015

Man, Those Hobos Really Need to Take Some Creative Writing Classes

Lady to young man: Excuse me, sir, I just lost my wallet…
Young man (interrupting): And you need a dollar to get a bus home?
(lady says nothing and walks off)

–14th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I love Artichoke!

Headline by: Allison

Runners-Up:
· “Actually I Was Hoping for Your Emergency Condom” — “Jimmy” Wrapper
· “Asshat Misses Chance at Cheap BJ” — Leary Blaine
· “Ladies Get Turned Off by Todd’s Premature Speculation Problem” — FizzyGurrl
· “Maybe She’s Afraid Of Psychics” — tedric
· “Psh, Like Buses Only Cost a Dollar” — samson
· “They Give You More If You Just Call It a “Bailout”” — stimulated economy
· “This Might Have Worked Better If They Hadn’t Already Been on the Bus” — KateNonymous

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

In a Few Minutes They’ll Be Wrestling in a Warm Tub of Soup

Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you!

–Pax, 40th & 6th Ave

Wednesday-One-Liners Cope with At-Will Employment

Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too

Guy on cell: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.

–33rd & 6th

Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!

–54th & 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Jasmine

Bimbette: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.

–72nd & Broadway

Suit on cell: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?

–Wanamaker & 4th Ave

Young woman on cell: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: The Ficus

Customer: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.

–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th

Overheard by: Devon

Mama Mia, Those Are Some Spicy Wednesday One-Liners!

Ghetto guy on cell: I been wantin’ to go to Chuck E. Cheese for mad long.

–E 8th St

Midwestern girl: I just paid a hundred and thirty bucks for a meal I could have had for twenty dollars at home. [Points at Midwestern guy #1] Fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #2] fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #1 again] and especially fuck you. If I wasn’t going home with a purse full of mints and toothpicks right now, I’d punch you both in the balls.

–Outside Bobby Flay’s, 46th & 2nd

Bus driver: You know, you guys, you can step up onto the back platform. You don’t need a reservation. It’s not Applebee’s.

–M60 bus to LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kevoo

Girl on cell: Why?! Why would anyone ever get something catered by Outback Steakhouse!

–W 3rd St & LaGuardia

Chick on cell: Can you eat at Dallas BBQ in a rubber shirt?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Hollywood Exec: Say That Again!

60-ish mother to two kids: There are two movies playing we should go to before they stop showing them — Casino Royale and Apocalypto Now.
Kid #1: Uh, yeah, Mom.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Serene Demeanor

Wednesday Six-Feet-Under Liners

Reasonably clean cut man to another: So he was like, “I dunno what I’m gonna find when I walk in there. It’s either gonna be dead bodies, or two people fucking.” (pause) Turns out it was both…

–49th & 10th

Overheard by: Welcome to New Jack City

Short, skinny, strung-out white woman: Dead! Dead! Dead! Yo’ mutha is so fuckin’ dead, you niggaz! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

–2nd Ave & St Marks Place

Overheard by: Joe

Eight-year-old girl, walking away angrily: You know what else is good for your health? Not getting killed!

–Sunset Park

Overheard by: She *does* have a point.

Guy: I’m not saying I’d kill you, I’m just saying you’d die.

–10th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Shaul

Woman to boyfriend: Oh, Gun Hill Road… That’s where my ex-boyfriend tried to murder me.

–5 Train

Overheard by: Ari

Middle aged man to 20-something man: And when he dies, we can all go out for whale sushi!

–5th Ave &14th St