Archive for 2015

Clean Up in Aisle Number 1

Guy: Sir, I have to wee wee!
Manager: Um, OK, our bathroom is–
Guy: I’m going to wee wee in my pants!
Manager: OK, the bathroom is downstairs, I’ll have to go with you.
Guy: I’m going to wee on your floor!

–Gristedes, Hudson Street 

Overheard by: Jessica 

Cherry-Poppin’ Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Oh my god, the last time I knew you I was a virgin!

–No Idea Bar, 20th St, between Broadway & Park

Overheard by: Jas

Old lady: Enter the train… She ain’t no virgin! Get in, get in!

–F train platform

Overheard by: Ritika

Crazy religious guy: The pope is a liar! He says that Mary’s a virgin as of today. That’s a lie! After Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph got married. You’re tellin’ me that they got married, but Joseph wasn’t hittin’ that?

–4 train

Bleached blonde to boyfriend: As far as my father is concerned, he thinks I am still a virgin… No, actually, there was that one summer he thought I was pregnant because I got fat…

–N train to Astoria

God squad lady: I have a two-month-old son, and I’m praying for his virginity.

–L train

Overheard by: Errol Stairpath

Wednesday One-Liners Bottom Out

JAP: I was thinking about getting some Botox in my back so my ass doesn’t swim around so much.

–4th & Broadway

Overheard by: Will

Loud dude: Yes, I’m very sure that I have dimples in my ass.

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Adele G

Dude to cute chick walking away: I don’t care! I’ll put hickies on both your butt cheeks!

–DeKalb & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: bit

Bag lady to hobo: I ain’t kiddin’. There’s a teenage mutant ninja turtle battling out of my ass.

–20th & Park Ave South

Overheard by: ninjanr

30-ish lady: Oh, god, why won’t my ass stop twitching?

–Q train, Church Ave

Overheard by: Rez

Fan to Beyoncé: Yo, Beyoncé, baby — they is childrens starvin’ in Bolivia! Why don’t you give ’em some o’ dat be-hin’?!

–Outside MTV studios

Sausage or Smoked Salmon?

Girl #1: I don’t know if my sister is a lesbian or not.
Girl #2: I thought she was.
Girl #1: Yeah, but the other day some guy was like, oh yeah, your sister dated Nick for a long time, and now all I know is that she’s dating someone who makes omelettes. Omelettes are manly, right?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: djingo