Archive for 2015

Wednesday One-Liners Carry Razor Blades and a Mirror

Thug on cell: Will I accept payment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t accept an eight-ball as payment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the only coke I do comes in five dollar rocks. I can’t afford to get hooked on that expensive shit.

–49th & 7th

Oveheard by: Prefers the expensive shit 

Drunk guy, to his date: The reason I’m buying all of this coke is so that we can fuck.

–6th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Girl: Can you imagine saying your vows when you’re that coked up?

–Remsen St, Brooklyn Heights

Party girl: Oh my God, she took a picture of me one time while I was doing a line, and I was, like, so pissed!

–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park

Dude: America runs on cocaine.

–W Broadway

Overheard by: ritajones

Goth chick: I just want to buy some fucking groceries so we don’t spend all our money on coke.

–Whole Foods, 14th St 

…Piss on It

Guy #1, about cover of art book on dadaism: What is that?
Guy #2: It’s art.
Guy #1: No it’s not, it’s a urinal.
Guy #2: Some guy put his initials on one an called it art.
Guy #1: Oh. (pause) Yeah, so it’s art.

–Bookshop, Met Museum


The PATH Train at 33rd (A NYC Short Story)

Hobo: Where are you going?
Drunk guy: Bermuda. I’m connecting to the plane.

Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He didn’t even say nothing to you. That’s fucked up!

Hobo: My name is Peter. Peter Parker. I’m Spider-Man’s father.

The hobo shows the drunk guy his bottle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bottle of whiskey

Drunk guy: So what? You trying to beat me? You started a competition and I beat you. I came prepared. 

–PATH train

Overheard by: Tony Gabriel

Wednesday One-Liners Remember the Little People

Ghetto guy: Yo, I gotta be careful and hurry up and catch this midget before she leave me.

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: Wonkanobi

Short lady: And I told him, ‘I may be an ugly midget, but at least I’m not a Neanderthal.’

–Outside Starbucks, Court & Dean St

Little girl watching midget walk by: Look, Mommy! Mini-Me’s wife!

–91st & Broadway

Man to son: … And that’s because New York was founded by midgets.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Nina Milnes