Archive for 2015

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Car­ry Ra­zor Blades and a Mir­ror

Thug on cell: Will I ac­cept pay­ment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t ac­cept an eight-ball as pay­ment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the on­ly coke I do comes in five dol­lar rocks. I can’t af­ford to get hooked on that ex­pen­sive shit.

–49th & 7th

Ove­heard by: Prefers the ex­pen­sive shit

Drunk guy, to his date: The rea­son I’m buy­ing all of this coke is so that we can fuck.

–6th St, be­tween 2nd & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Danielle

Girl: Can you imag­ine say­ing your vows when you’re that coked up?

–Rem­sen St, Brook­lyn Heights

Par­ty girl: Oh my God, she took a pic­ture of me one time while I was do­ing a line, and I was, like, so pissed!

–Sheep­’s Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Dude: Amer­i­ca runs on co­caine.

–W Broad­way

Over­heard by: ri­ta­jones

Goth chick: I just want to buy some fuck­ing gro­ceries so we don’t spend all our mon­ey on coke.

–Whole Foods, 14th St

…Piss on It

Guy #1, about cov­er of art book on dadaism: What is that?
Guy #2: It’s art.
Guy #1: No it’s not, it’s a uri­nal.
Guy #2: Some guy put his ini­tials on one an called it art.
Guy #1: Oh. (pause) Yeah, so it’s art.

–Book­shop, Met Mu­se­um

The PATH Train at 33rd (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Hobo: Where are you go­ing?
Drunk guy: Bermu­da. I’m con­nect­ing to the plane.

Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He did­n’t even say noth­ing to you. That’s fucked up!

Hobo: My name is Pe­ter. Pe­ter Park­er. I’m Spi­der-Man’s fa­ther.

The hobo shows the drunk guy his bot­tle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bot­tle of whiskey

Drunk guy: So what? You try­ing to beat me? You start­ed a com­pe­ti­tion and I beat you. I came pre­pared.

–PATH train

Over­heard by: Tony Gabriel

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Re­mem­ber the Lit­tle Peo­ple

Ghet­to guy: Yo, I got­ta be care­ful and hur­ry up and catch this midget be­fore she leave me.

–59th & Lex

Over­heard by: Wonkanobi

Short la­dy: And I told him, ‘I may be an ug­ly midget, but at least I’m not a Ne­an­derthal.’

–Out­side Star­bucks, Court & Dean St

Lit­tle girl watch­ing midget walk by: Look, Mom­my! Mi­ni-Me’s wife!

–91st & Broad­way

Man to son: … And that’s be­cause New York was found­ed by midgets.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Ni­na Milnes