Archive for 2015

We Blame Barbie for This Conversation.

All beauty, no brains brunette: No, John, he’s not all the way black, his mom is white and his dad is black. He’s just like 1/16th black, or whatever that comes out to.
John: Dude, really? I take it math wasn’t your strong point in school.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Sky

Will These Wednesday One-Liners Be Graded on a Curve?

20-something guy to another: Yeah, 9th grade was when I started to get my swagger on…

–31st & 6th Ave

Student: Guess what? I’m not coming to school tomorrow. Or Thursday. Or Friday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or September. Know why? (pause) Cause muh name’s Mike.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Short homey on crutches: Yo, ah don’ know how to read either, but ah got mah college degree!

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Football player on phone: Nah, man, I’m not living in Cali anymore! I’m going to Fordham. It’s in New York City! Yeah, man, I’m going to school with Senators’ daughters and shit!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Strangely eloquent little boy to mom: In school my teacher told us to write down five words we know. I said, ‘fuck that!’ and gave her this. (pulls crumpled drawing of stick figure under rainbow out of jacket pocket, and hands it to mother)

–Q Train


You’ll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He’s Talking on His New Bluetooth

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I’ll bribe them. (pause) No, that won’t work – you need money to bribe people.

–Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” — again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” — JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” — Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” — Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” — Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” — Nick Pollotta

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn’t have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, ’cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn’t like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue – learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington