Archive for 2015

That’s Because She’s a Cop

Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That’s because she’s a slut.

–Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Casey Ross

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I’ll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!

–Wagner College

Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

–Winter Garden Theatre

Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: David

NewsFlash: Man Asks Directions. Scientists Baffled.

Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to 37th Street?
Hipster: Seriously?
Tourist: Well, I’m visiting…
Hipster: Look, man… You’re on 42nd Street now. Walk that way, and if the sign says 43rd Street, you’re going the wrong way. Turn around and go the other way. When the numbers go down, you’re going the right way.
Tourist: So, the streets are numerical.
Passerby #1: Jesus Christ!
Passerby #2: Oh, you people stop it! He didn’t know there would be math on his trip to the city.

–42nd & 8th

Who You Callin’ “Wednesday One-Liner”?

Thug to friend: Mr. Bean? Yo, he’s my ‘nigga!

–Times Square

Guy on cell: You a soup eatin’, bowl lovin’, country-ass nigga!

–B42 Bus

Overheard by: focused

Thug yelling on cell: Yo nigga, ya don’t know what the fuck you talkin’ bout. Cain killed Able!

–A Train

White kid in yellow shirt, walking into room with other white guys: What’s up, my niggas?
(notices the one black guy on the couch) Oh, shit!

–114th St & Broadway

Why Is This Girl Riding the Subway?

JAP: Oh my god, I can’t wait to move into the city. I can’t take my house anymore, my parents are always up my ass. Gabby, what time will you be home? Gabby, don’t forget to tell Rosa to pick up your dry cleaning! Gabby, we’re paying your tuition, you can’t treat this house like a hotel! It’s so annoying! I just wanna be on my own, I can take care of myself, I don’t need them constantly doing stuff for me!
Friend: Yeah… So where were you thinking of moving?
JAP: I dunno, my dad said he might let me move into his apartment on 89th. Either that, or a partner at his firm is selling a co-op that he might buy for me. He said I can choose.

–Uptown W train