Teen boy: Wow, look, my feet are bigger than yours!
Dad: So what? My dick is bigger than yours!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Sarah
Archive for 2015
“Stop throwing my hat in the air!”
Girl: I mean, I was rivaling Mary Tyler Moore in her peak for cuteness, and he didn’t even look at me.
Guy: I would totally freeze-frame you, if it’s any consolation.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Colin Hartnett
Sure He’s Happy — He Slept with Two Girls This Week
Happy guy looks at two happy girls: Aah, look how happy they are! That is how it’s supposed to be around here.
Unhappy guy looks at two happy girls: They look too happy, considering they’ve probably contracted multiple STD’s just this week.
Happy guy: So you’re not happy today?
–Union Square
Your Editors Do Not Wish to Get Involved in This
Pilot: We are now arriving in at JFK airport in New York City, home of the Yankees.
Met fan: That’s not right…(yelling) What about the Mets?
Pilot: No one cares.
Rest of passengers: (cheering)
–Jet Blue Flight
I Don’t Like Where This Is Going
Older bag lady: How do you think mayor Bloomberg got so rich?
Woman with baby in stroller: I don’t know. How?
Older bag lady: You think by being a slut?
Woman with baby stroller: Maybe.
Older bag lady: How do you think Oprah Winfrey got so rich?
Woman with baby in stroller: I don’t know.
Older bag lady: You think by being a slut?
–Union Square
Overheard by: floridasunshine
The New Wilson Phillips Song is Kinda Catchy
Anorexia: Come on baby, we gotta move.
Manboobs: Stop pulling me down, fat ass.
–Penn Station
What Kind Of Scam Are You Trying to Pull, Lady?
Sassy black lady on crowded train: Excuse me!
Irritated suit: There’s nowhere else to go!
Sassy black lady: No! I bump you! I bump you, so I said “excuse me!”
–Downtown A Train
In Wednesday One-Liners We Trust
Hipster chick: Popping a blister is like smacking god in the face!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Alice
Homeless man on train begging for money by telling jokes: A black man and a white man go into a bar. They get into a fight with each other. And then they die. And then they go to heaven and god says to them: “What it is… what it is!”
–1 Train
Overheard by: Kristin
Girl to friend: I’m gonna have to get ghetto on god!
–61st & Broadway
Overheard by: lizzerd
Homeless man says to homeless woman: Now, these people are trying to hoodwink god!
–Seventh Ave & Lincoln Place, Park Slope
Overheard by: Annie
Professor to students: God is not a drug dealer!
–Fordham University
Upper Body
One woman in her late 20’s talking to another, in a Williamsburg cafe: “Her upper body’s okay.”
Orders from Fearless Leader
Girl #1: My mom is obsessed with tv. When she was pregnant with me and her water broke, she waited until Moonlighting was over before she left for the hospital. I’m even named after a tv character.
Girl #2: Natasha?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know, from Rocky and Bullwinkle?
Girl #2: Why didn’t she just name you Bullwinkle?
–LIRR
