Archive for 2015

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Around

Girl on cell: It does­n’t mat­ter how many peo­ple I’ve had sex with…If I can re­mem­ber each of their names, then it is­n’t a lot.

–32nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Tom­my

Girl on cell: You had a three­some with the may­or of what?

–144th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

NYU boy: Pear ap­ple­sauce, straw­ber­ry ap­ple­sauce, ba­nana ap­ple­sauce. God, it’s like the ap­ples did every oth­er fruit in the gar­den!

–Food Em­po­ri­um, Union Square

Dude: And af­ter the par­ty, every­one gets in­noc­u­lat­ed and takes the morn­ing af­ter pill.

–Taj Ma­hal, 6th St be­tween 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: lish

Woman: The prob­lem is that men are para­dox­i­cal­ly both a rea­son to be celi­bate and to have large amounts of sex.

–140th & Broad­way

What’s Com­fort­able About Be­ing Face to Face With a Stranger?

Pro­fes­sor: So when hu­mans evolved to bipedal­ism and were walk­ing on two legs in­stead of four, their sex­u­al prac­tices changed and they be­gan to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean… it’s not al­ways face to face.
Pro­fes­sor: Well, it tends to be the most com­mon and most com­fort­able way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Pro­fes­sor: I as­sume by your si­lence that you dis­agree.

–Barnard

Over­heard by: You had to say that to the Prof???

Raggedy Ann Got Soaked

Girl #1: How was babysit­ting yes­ter­day?
Girl #2: Pret­ty good, but all of a sud­den, in the mid­dle of the park, the kid I was watch­ing be­gins to breast­feed her doll… (si­lence) I’m not kid­ding.
Girl #1: Wow, that’s fucked up.

–Bar­neys Co-Op, Spring St

…I Con­fess I Don’t Know That Much About Eu­ro­pean Pol­i­tics.

Triv­ia host: Name 5 of the 7 most pop­u­lat­ed state cap­i­tal cities in the coun­try.
Par­tic­i­pant #1: Does she mean, like, At­lanta?
Par­tic­i­pant #2: No, the cap­i­tal is Athens… Un­less they just moved it to At­lanta.
Par­tic­i­pant #1: Can they do that!?

–Stone Creek Triv­ia Night, 27th St & Lex­ing­ton