Archive for 2015

…Why’re Peo­ple Star­ing at Us?

Young­blood thug #1: Yo, I just came from the doc­tor and my shit was just vi­o­lat­ed.
Young­blood thug #2: Nig­ga, what you talkn’ bout?
Young­blood thug #1: He just grabbed my shit and told me to cough.
Young­blood thug #2: Yo dick?
Young­blood thug #1: Yeah, nig­ga!
Young­blood thug #2: Get the fuck out­ta here.
Young­blood thug #1, de­press­ing­ly: Yeah, nig­ga.
Mid­dle aged thug: That shit ain’t noth­ing. I had a colonoscopy or what­ev­er the fuck it’s called.
Young­blood thug #1: What the fuck is that?
Mid­dle aged thug: I don’t know, but the nig­ga went up my ass.
Young­blood thug #1 and #2: What the fuck?
Mid­dle aged thug: Nah, but I’m not gonna front, though that shit tick­led at first.

–At­lantic Ave, Brook­lyn

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Cen­ter of a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Chick: How am I sup­posed to ex­er­cise my au­thor­i­ty when peo­ple are ask­ing me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?!

–Chur­ras­caria Platafor­ma

Dude: I used the lit­tle bath­room in the back, and there was sauce all over the toi­let. I want­ed to lick it up.

–Di­Fara’s Pizze­ria

Teen boy: Oh my god, Bar­rett Foa! He’s so hot… I want him to lick my vagi­na! Oh, my poor, crusty vagi­na…

–Stage door of Gold­en The­atre

Over­heard by: Emo Bar­bie Ju­lia

Hip­ster boy: I will climb down on those tracks and lick that third rail. I will lick it!

–L train

Over­heard by: how many hot dogs?

Punk chick: Why are you so dis­gust­ed by lick­ing oth­er peo­ple’s eye­balls?

–17th Ave, Brook­lyn

Not As Rough As Be­ing Cov­ered in Body Lice

Hobo: Yo, yo, you think you got prob­lems? I’m home­less! I ain’t got no mon­ey, I ain’t got no food, I’m hun­gry! I ain’t got noth­in. You think you got prob­lems? Yo, what’s your prob­lem?
Guy: I’m in law school, I have fi­nals.
Hobo: Sor­ry, that’s rough.

–Bond Street be­tween Scher­mer­horn & Liv­ingston, Brook­lyn