Girl: Yeah, we followed him off the bus and got lost, and that’s why I swore I’d never leave Manhattan again.
–Port Authority Bus Termnal
Overheard by: J. Tro
Archive for 2015
It Might Be Because You’re Both Nellies
Drunk guy #1: Hey, how come we never banged our neighbor?
Drunk guy #2: Because she’s 17 years old!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why didn’t we bang her mom?
Drunk guy #2: Because we’re faggots!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why haven’t we banged each other?
–V train
Not “I’ll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless
Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy ’cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That’s gotta be the best I’ve ever heard!
–65th & Broadway
Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.
Haven’t You Pissed Off God Enough Already?
Queer #1: She’s kinda bummed…Her parents split; her dad’s marrying another man.
Queer #2: Luckily, that’s not atypical.
–Elevator, 14th Street & 8th Avenue
Queer #1: I’ve been feeling so gross lately. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been having so much ass sex.
Queer #2: Gross like a whore?
Queer #1: No. Like, every time you shit your poop gets rubbed into your ass wounds. Maybe it’s making me sick…What? It’s like rubbing your papercuts in Bombay sewer water.
–Boysroom, Avenue A
Overheard by: zac
Queer: I don’t care about my boyfriend like I care about you. I am buying you these things because I love you.
His phone rings.
Queer: Hello?…Aw, I love you, too.
He hangs up.
Queer: That was him.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
This Sounded Much More Poetic in the Beatles’ Song
Man, pleading: But, honey…I love you.
Woman, cold as ice: I love you, too…yesterday.
–FAO Schwarz
The Magic of Wednesday One-liners
Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: K2 Combo
Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape.
–Bryant Park station
Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emily Y.
Wednesday One-liners Know What You Like
Girl on cell: Yeah, baby, I’m all alone in my apartment on my bed. I’m taking my panties off now. Mmm, I’m touching myself, thinking of you. I’m all wet for you, baby.
–outside Starbucks, 54th & Broadway
Suit on cell: Yes, I’m wearing suspenders.
–Wall & Broadway
Overheard by: Alexis
At Least He’s Honest
Little girl: Daddy, what’s wrong with Chinese people? Why do they never smile?
Dad: It’s because they’re robots.
Little girl: What about black people? Are black people robots?
Dad: No, not that I’m aware of.
–4 train
Overheard by: Audrey
I’d Ask a Man, but They Never Come in Here
Woman #1, pushing stroller: Where are all the Halloween decorations?
Woman #2: Halloween? It’s like… October 5th. Isn’t it a little early for Halloween?
–Christmas Decorations Aisle, Michael’s Crafts, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Fiammetta
Ginny Weasley: I Saw Him First, Bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: What, the actor?
Ghetto girl #2: Fuck the movie, I’m talking about the book. I love Harry Potter and if there’s someone like him, I wanna date him.
–Jamaica, Queens
Overheard by: Shane
