Archive for 2015

Not “I'll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless

Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.

Haven’t You Pissed Off God Enough Already?

Queer #1: She’s kinda bummed…Her parents split; her dad’s marrying another man.
Queer #2: Luckily, that’s not atypical.

–Elevator, 14th Street & 8th Avenue

Queer #1: I’ve been feeling so gross lately. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been having so much ass sex.
Queer #2: Gross like a whore?
Queer #1: No. Like, every time you shit your poop gets rubbed into your ass wounds. Maybe it’s making me sick…What? It’s like rubbing your papercuts in Bombay sewer water.

–Boysroom, Avenue A

Overheard by: zac

Queer: I don’t care about my boyfriend like I care about you. I am buying you these things because I love you.

His phone rings.

Queer: Hello?…Aw, I love you, too.

He hangs up.

Queer: That was him.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

The Magic of Wednesday One-liners

Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: K2 Combo

Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape.

–Bryant Park station

Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Emily Y.

At Least He’s Honest

Little girl: Daddy, what’s wrong with Chinese people? Why do they never smile?
Dad: It’s because they’re robots.
Little girl: What about black people? Are black people robots?
Dad: No, not that I’m aware of.

–4 train

Overheard by: Audrey