Archive for 2015

Chinese Girls Are Dead Serious About Husband Hunting

White boy, doing homework on laptop: Do you have a gun?
Chinese girl, also doing homework on laptop: Yeah.
White boy: Can I use it?
Chinese girl, putting hand in purse: Wait, what did you say?
White boy: Do you have a gun?
Chinese girl: Oh… Not here.
White boy: Where is it?
Chinese girl: In China.
White boy: Oh. Never mind then. I just want it for this. (motions towards computer screen)
(they both lightly laugh)
White boy: You have a gun in China?
Chinese girl: Yeah.
White boy: Like, a hand gun?
Chinese girl: No. A big one.(gestures with hands)
White boy: Why?
Chinese girl: I don't know. I found it in my closet.

–Marymount Manhattan College Library

Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships

Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St

Overheard by: MK

Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Overheard by: Mollena

Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.

–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave

B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas

Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.

–West Building, Hunter College

Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Mike

What Would Gay M&M’s Do without Them?

Girl #1: Why didn’t you want your picture with the M&M?
Girl #2: I don’t know.
Girl #1: I would have gotten my picture with him and promptly placed my hand on his ass.
Girl #2: Do M&Ms have asses?

–M&M Store