Archive for 2015

Chi­nese Girls Are Dead Se­ri­ous About Hus­band Hunt­ing

White boy, do­ing home­work on lap­top: Do you have a gun?
Chi­nese girl, al­so do­ing home­work on lap­top: Yeah.
White boy: Can I use it?
Chi­nese girl, putting hand in purse: Wait, what did you say?
White boy: Do you have a gun?
Chi­nese girl: Oh… Not here.
White boy: Where is it?
Chi­nese girl: In Chi­na.
White boy: Oh. Nev­er mind then. I just want it for this. (mo­tions to­wards com­put­er screen)
(they both light­ly laugh)
White boy: You have a gun in Chi­na?
Chi­nese girl: Yeah.
White boy: Like, a hand gun?
Chi­nese girl: No. A big one.(gestures with hands)
White boy: Why?
Chi­nese girl: I don’t know. I found it in my clos­et.

–Mary­mount Man­hat­tan Col­lege Li­brary

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Re­la­tion­ships

Girl: …be­cause I feel like we’re go­ing out. It’s just that he won’t call me.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St

Over­heard by: MK

Home­girl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Over­heard by: Mol­lena

Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with some­one, I end up break­ing up with them.

–San Lo­co, 7th St & 2nd Ave

B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d to­tal­ly find a boyfriend. You to­tal­ly, to­tal­ly would.

–LIRR to Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Pia Peanut­but­tas

Sassy chick: I was hav­ing a glass of wine with him, and he did­n’t have any­thing to say to me. So I licked his ear.

–Harlem

Over­heard by: McN

Shrewd ob­serv­er: That’s not dat­ing. It’s called be­ing on pa­role.

–West Build­ing, Hunter Col­lege

Woman on cell: Well, I hap­pen to like our God­damn re­la­tion­ship, thank you very much!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Mike

What Would Gay M&M’s Do with­out Them?

Girl #1: Why did­n’t you want your pic­ture with the M&M?
Girl #2: I don’t know.
Girl #1: I would have got­ten my pic­ture with him and prompt­ly placed my hand on his ass.
Girl #2: Do M&Ms have ass­es?

–M&M Store