Old man: Hey, little girl, you dropped something.
Four-year-old girl to mom: I thought you said Santa Claus wasn’t real!
–Times Square
Overheard by: sitting in a bush
Archive for 2015
What with the Puffy Belly and the Begging for Food
Teenager #1: Oh my god, she is like way too skinny.
Teenager #2: Yeah.
Teenager #1: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love way too skinny, it just doesn’t look good on her.
Teenager #2: Totally.
–Atlantic Avenue Station
Overheard by: Nina
Fighting Heresies Is Way More Important Than Class
Female law student #1: So we get Hannukah off then?
Female law student #2: Well, duh! Fordham’s a Jesuit school.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Jamie L
Here’s Your Trophy
Thug: Yo, what time you got?
20-something: It’s 7:45.
Thug: Mmm, well girl… What time’s your curfew?
20-something: That’s the worst fucking pick up line I’ve ever heard.
–A Train
Hairy, and His Lips Are Always Flapping
Five-year-old son: Why does everybody call Daddy a pussy? And what is that?
Mother: Daddy is the definition of a pussy.
–Prada store, Soho
Overheard by: Sandra Dittmeyer Hunter Jones
Pedro Does Undercover Work for Moms Throughout the Tri-State Area
Mother: Honey, your dress is just too low. I know you don’t mean to, but when you wear things that show that much of you, you attract the wrong kind of men.
Scary Mexican man sitting across: Oh honey, you definitely do.
(girl hastily pulls her dress up)
–1 Train
Overheard by: Anna
They Left the Scouts Under the Table
Old lady # 1, crossing the street: Will you help me?
Old lady # 2: Yeah, yeah — I’ll help you.
Old lady # 1: I am very drunk.
Old lady # 2: Yeah, I drank a lot, too.
–78th & York
Overheard by: I hope I’m still getting drunk when I’m that old
Taking Off That Dead Animal Would Be a Good Place to Start
Heavily-pierced fur protesting chick: You’re arguing with a 16-year-old!
Fat, pro-fur guy: That doesn’t give you an excuse to be stupid.
Heavily-pierced fur protesting chick: Lose some weight! Lose some weight!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Maddie
And Was That Before or After They Turned Into Swans?
Girl #1: My dad voted for Bush twice.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: He’s an old school Republican.
Girl #2: Wait, when did the Republicans turn into Democrats? After Roosevelt?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bunny
Wednesday One-liners for Jung
Hobo: I was talking to my therapist and she said, “Would you rather hurt yourself or someone else?” And I started to say “myself” but then I thought she didn’t want to hear that. So I told her that I would hurt someone else. That seemed more sane.
–1 train
Overheard by: James Gillece
