Archive for 2015

Maybe the So­crat­ic Method Is­n’t So Hot af­ter All

Girl #1: So, I had to­fu the oth­er day.
Girl #2: What’s to­fu?
Girl #1: That stuff that looks like cheese but is­n’t.
Girl #2: What does it taste like?
Girl #1: It kin­da tastes like meat and spaghet­ti… but there’s no meat in it.
Girl #2: Then how the hell does it taste like meat?
Girl #1: I dun­no. Maybe there is meat in it af­ter all.
Girl #2: True, true.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: That’s news to me

Must’ve Been Some Chris­ten­ing Last Night

Young of­fice pe­on: Stan*, I have a ques­tion, but first, how are you this morn­ing?
Old of­fice pe­on: Well, I had on­ly four hours of sleep, I am still very drunk, and even though I show­ered, I still have strip­per stank on me… So, what was your ques­tion?
Young of­fice pe­on: Nev­er mind.
Old of­fice pe­on: Okay, cool.

–Queens

Clap If You Be­lieve in Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy: I’m like a cen­taur, if ya know what I mean.

–Uni­ver­si­ty & 4th St

Over­heard by: sarah

Fe­male hip­ster to friends: Well, vam­pires are the new zom­bies!

–147th & Con­vent

Thug­gish straight guy to an­oth­er: Oh, I’d much rather be a fag­got than a de­mon, dawg.

–Park Ave & Spring St

Over­heard by: Christo­pher Schulz

In­ter­view­er, try­ing to con­vince in­ter­vie­wee: There’s not much of a fu­ture in be­ing an elf.

–Ma­cy’s

Ital­ian woman, star­ing at guy wear­ing Ghost­busters t‑shirt: You don­ta li­ka da ghosts?

–Meat­pack­ing Dis­trict

Over­heard by: Look­ing for my pro­ton pack

Wednes­days Ro­gaine Their One-Lin­ers

Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuck­able hair! Fuck­able hair!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Ghet­to woman to an­oth­er: Why he be moon­ing every­one with that hairy ass?

–53rd & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: tom­my a

Man to friend: I’m Mex­i­can, man; I was *born* with a mus­tache.

–Grand & Or­chard

Girl, enun­cia­tive­ly: I sup­port chest hair!

–Hel­l’s Kitchen

Over­heard by: DI