Archive for 2015

.…And Groom a Bit.

Mid­dle-aged mid-west­ern woman of a cer­tain age #1, ges­tur­ing to­wards naked man and woman stand­ing in door­way: Do they want us to walk through them?
Mid­dle-aged mid-west­ern woman of a cer­tain age #2: Yes. Yes, I think that’s the point.
Mid­dle-aged mid-west­ern woman of a cer­tain age #1: Well, okay. (pause) But first I’m gonna eat a mint.

–Mo­MA, Ma­ri­na Abramovic Ex­hib­it

Over­heard by: aaron(b)

Celebu­tante Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Drunk girl: Oh my god! I looove Amy Wine­house! But, ugh! Poor bitch is gonna die soon!

–Vynl Restau­rant, 51st & 9th

Over­heard by: Sit­ting next to the loud­est ta­ble

Val Kilmer, notic­ing a ‘Now Ap­pear­ing’ sign: Oh! Kris-tin Bell! Not Chris-tian Bale. That makes a lot more sense.

–Big Ap­ple Con, Penn Plaza Pavil­ion, 33rd & 7th

Nerdy guy: Hey, I may look like Steve‑O, but I get more butt than a toi­let!

–Out­side of The Hog Pit, 13th & 9th

Woman, to friend: … And then Chuck Nor­ris came out of nowhere!

–W 8th St & Ave S

Over­heard by: Kat

Clerk girl: Well, she’s kin­da like the Ko­re­an Melis­sa Etheridge.

–Du­ane & Broad­way

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Dis­ap­point­ed red­neck to fat wife, ex­it­ing Olive Gar­den: Well, we did not see any fa­mous peo­ple in there.

–Times Square

…Well It’s Da Bomb, Any­way.

Hobo en­ter­ing train: I just want y’all to know I got a bomb on this train! Ya hear me?! A bomb!
(woman slow­ly takes out her cell phone)
Hobo: Yo! I got a bomb on this train! Gimme mon­ey!
Thug: Yo, man, this dude’s crazy, he ain’t got no bomb! Where is it?!
Hobo: It’s in my pants, mo­fo!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: swiz­zle