Girl #1: She's not a whore…
Girls #1, #2, #3, in unison: She's a tease!
Girl #4: That's stupid. I'd rather be a whore.
–Crocodile Lounge
Overheard by: a Tease
Archive for 2015
And It Was a Tragedy
Comedy promoter guy: Gentlemen, are you interested in seeing some comedy?
Guy: I’ve already seen your shitty show!
–78th & Broadway
Maybe We Should Be More Specific With Our Tags
Lady #1: I don’t care what anyone thinks!
Lady #2: Yeah!
Lady #1: I like watermelon!
Lady #2: I hear ya! We can eat whatever we want!
–Central Park
Overheard by: ashley
Akeelah and the Bee-Jay
Boy, reading a pamphlet: Umm… Penny-less… Pen-iss.
Girl: It says penis.
Boy: Well, whatever.
Girl: How are you not going to be able to spell something that you have?
Boy: Well, it’s gay to know how to spell penis.
–Marble Hill, the Bronx
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
…But I Always Grade You on a Curve.
Babysitter: Girl, you look good.
Friend: I know, right?
Babysitter: Well, not that good.
–Tot Lot, Victorian Flatbush
You Have Your Fantasy, I’ll Have Mine
Chick #1: You know, we’re just like robots.
Chick #2: Yeah!
Chick #1: People tell us what to do, and we have to do it.
Chick #2: We’re just like models!
Chick #1: Really?! … We’re so not models.
–Union Square
Oh, These Are Those Year-Round Tourists!
Woman #1: I hate this time of year in the city. It's like there are ten times as many tourists as usual, because everyone's on vacation.
Woman #2: I know. I mean, just look at the flocks of Asian people around here!
Woman #1: Ummmm, we're in Chinatown.
–Mott & Grand
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Olmstead Was a Genius with Pavement
Tourist guy: Look, honey! Here were are in wonderful Central Park!
Tourist guy’s wife: Really? I thought it was supposed to be bigger than this…
Tourist guy: Well, what else could it be?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: oli
What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
Too Bad None of Them Had Any Windows
Man #1: Yeah, I also been in jail in Texas, Alabama, and Georgia.
Man #2: I admire you, man. You been places.
–LIRR from East NY to Jamaica