Archive for 2015

George Or­well’s Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Farm

Girl to friend: So I got my horse, things got a lit­tle es­ca­lat­ed… He got his horse…

–The Clois­ters

Over­heard by: nin­ja z

Small child on bike: Suck my butt mon­key!

–Cen­tral Park

Met­ro­sex­u­al on cell: I can on­ly hope the an­i­mal nois­es are promis­ing for my night.

–Stuyvesant Town

Over­heard by: Ar­gopel­ter

African man to African woman: I told you when you came to this coun­try that you can’t touch old peo­ple, you can’t touch chil­dren, and you can’t touch an­i­mals.

–Cen­tral Park, near W 63rd St en­trance

Over­heard by: birdw0rks

Woman to an­oth­er: He would go one way and the ar­madil­lo would go the oth­er way…

–42nd St, out­side Bryant Park

Over­heard by: MPW

Sad girl to friend: I’d feel bet­ter if I just had lemurs to talk to.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Their Snacks Were Tak­en Away, and They Were Both Giv­en a Time-Out

Young man with wife: Ex­cuse me, miss, do you mind mov­ing over one so we can sit to­geth­er?
An­gry black woman: No, no, no, no. I paid to be here, I can sit wher­ev­er I damn well please!
Man over­hear­ing con­ver­sa­tion: What is your prob­lem, la­dy?
An­gry black woman: Shut up! I can do what­ev­er I want! I paid to be here!
Young man: I curse you, la­dy!
An­gry black woman: What? You curse me? You can’t curse me! You ain’t god! You ain’t noth­in’! Well guess what, I re­verse the curse on you, fool!

–Loews The­atre, 42nd St

Who Told You about God?

Mom: So, what kind of an­i­mals do you think we will see at the zoo?
Small boy: I think ele­phants and snakes… Mom? Are there al­so pre­tend things there, like di­nosaurs and God?
Mom: I think we need to have a talk when we get home.

–N train near Union Square

We Heart This La­dy

For­eign lubav­itch­er of­fer­ing hanukkah meno­rahs and can­dles: Jew? Jew? Jew?
Mid­dle-aged la­dy in a hur­ry: No thanks, I’ve al­ready got one.

–82nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hi­lar­i­ty En­sues

Busi­ness­man #1: He should know it’s not a good idea to get ridicu­lous­ly lit when you’re re­spon­si­ble for babysit­ting six kids.
Busi­ness­man #2: Yeah, I mean, you might have to dri­ve to the hos­pi­tal.
Busi­ness­man #1: Yeah. Es­pe­cial­ly since you’ve giv­en them all golf clubs.

–Shake Shack, Madi­son Square Park