Teen #1: Aaww, don’t worry…
Teen #2: Be happy?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2: Where did that start anyway?
Teen #3: Some old commercial.
–Q Train
Overheard by: A bit saddened
Teen #1: Aaww, don’t worry…
Teen #2: Be happy?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2: Where did that start anyway?
Teen #3: Some old commercial.
–Q Train
Overheard by: A bit saddened
Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #1: You look like Jennifer Lopez!
Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #2: You look like George Lopez!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head
Guy #1: I think I’m going deaf.
Guy #2: What?
–Broadway
Boyfriend: Don’t do that. Hey, you just sexually abused me!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but you liked it.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kait
Elderly man, to himself: I find Family Guy highly stimulating.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Silly party girl: Jersey Shore is more informative then other shows! I mean, it teaches you how to dress and how to have great sex!
–Q Train
NYU girl: Yeah, right now I finally have a solid tuesday/wednesday/thursday line-up cause Glee is back on!
–Gould Plaza
Overheard by: Erin
Hipster to another: MTV is like my grandfather!
–13th St & 6th
Woman to boyfriend: I can watch all those shows you hate, like America’s Next Top Grundle.
–N Train
Overheard by: tC
Guy: Oh yeah, she watches that shit all right. And not even ironically!
–Q Train, Brooklyn
High school girl #1: So he is definitely going to turn out gay.
High school girl #2: Come on. He is not going to be gay. You just think that because he is a nice, well-dressed boy.
High school girl #1: Um, exactly.
High school girl #2: Well, he is Asian! All the guys in Asia wear makeup!
High school girl #1: Stop talking. He’s only half-Asian. And gay.
–Broadway
Black guy: Why would a young black girl dye her hair blonde? Looks terrible, y’know.
Whitey: Um, yeah. Bad idea.
Black guy: Bitch looked like a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.
–One Penn Plaza
Teacher #1: What do they want me to do with my students? They expect me to be able to teach them and they are always late or absent.
Teacher #2: Yeah, my students are always getting shot or something and then they want special treatment and a make-up test.
Teacher #1: Yeah, I know what you mean — they must be gang members.
–86th & Broadway
College girl to friend: I feel like everyone who doesn’t like mayonnaise had a bad experience with jizz.
–Stillwater Bar
College girl: My mom told me not to get married, and then when I’m 30 she’ll buy me sperm so I can have kids. She told me, “you don’t need a man!” But the old fashion way is so much more fun than a turkey baster…
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Sammi G
Girl to her friend: If Brittany was composed of three things, it would be jizz, tears, and glitter.
–86th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DAR
Trashy hot girl to friend: Whatever! By the end of the night you had what you needed to be his baby’s momma running down your chin. Do you think he’ll let you get that close again?
–1 Train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist