Archive for 2015

Who Won? Discuss.

Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #1: You look like Jennifer Lopez!
Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #2: You look like George Lopez!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Real Sunlight Isn’t Slippery Enough

Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head

Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners

Elderly man, to himself: I find Family Guy highly stimulating.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Taylor

Silly party girl: Jersey Shore is more informative then other shows! I mean, it teaches you how to dress and how to have great sex!

–Q Train

NYU girl: Yeah, right now I finally have a solid tuesday/wednesday/thursday line-up cause Glee is back on!

–Gould Plaza

Overheard by: Erin

Hipster to another: MTV is like my grandfather!

–13th St & 6th

Woman to boyfriend: I can watch all those shows you hate, like America’s Next Top Grundle.

–N Train

Overheard by: tC

Guy: Oh yeah, she watches that shit all right. And not even ironically!

–Q Train, Brooklyn

He’s Gay on His Mother’s Side

High school girl #1: So he is definitely going to turn out gay.
High school girl #2: Come on. He is not going to be gay. You just think that because he is a nice, well-dressed boy.
High school girl #1: Um, exactly.
High school girl #2: Well, he is Asian! All the guys in Asia wear makeup!
High school girl #1: Stop talking. He’s only half-Asian. And gay.

–Broadway

God! The Sense of Entitlement These Kids Have

Teacher #1: What do they want me to do with my students? They expect me to be able to teach them and they are always late or absent.
Teacher #2: Yeah, my students are always getting shot or something and then they want special treatment and a make-up test.
Teacher #1: Yeah, I know what you mean — they must be gang members.

–86th & Broadway

Some Seedy Wednesday One-Liners

College girl to friend: I feel like everyone who doesn’t like mayonnaise had a bad experience with jizz.

–Stillwater Bar

College girl: My mom told me not to get married, and then when I’m 30 she’ll buy me sperm so I can have kids. She told me, “you don’t need a man!” But the old fashion way is so much more fun than a turkey baster…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sammi G

Girl to her friend: If Brittany was composed of three things, it would be jizz, tears, and glitter.

–86th St & Broadway

Overheard by: DAR

Trashy hot girl to friend: Whatever! By the end of the night you had what you needed to be his baby’s momma running down your chin. Do you think he’ll let you get that close again?

–1 Train