Teen #1: Aaww, don't worry…
Teen #2: Be happy?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2: Where did that start anyway?
Teen #3: Some old commercial.
–Q Train
Overheard by: A bit saddened
Archive for 2015
Who Won? Discuss.
Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #1: You look like Jennifer Lopez!
Eight-year-old Hispanic boy #2: You look like George Lopez!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Real Sunlight Isn’t Slippery Enough
Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head
If We Got Married, It Wouldn't Be an Issue!
Bimbette #1: Oh my god! I just realized my brother and I have the same last name!
Bimbette #2: Really?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, it never hit me before.
–BX10 Bus
Overheard by: My mom and I too
The Ideal Relationship
Guy #1: I think I'm going deaf.
Guy #2: What?
–Broadway
Carry On, Then
Boyfriend: Don't do that. Hey, you just sexually abused me!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but you liked it.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kait
Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners…
Elderly man, to himself: I find Family Guy highly stimulating.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Silly party girl: Jersey Shore is more informative then other shows! I mean, it teaches you how to dress and how to have great sex!
–Q Train
NYU girl: Yeah, right now I finally have a solid tuesday/wednesday/thursday line-up cause Glee is back on!
–Gould Plaza
Overheard by: Erin
Hipster to another: MTV is like my grandfather!
–13th St & 6th
Woman to boyfriend: I can watch all those shows you hate, like America's Next Top Grundle.
–N Train
Overheard by: tC
Guy: Oh yeah, she watches that shit all right. And not even ironically!
–Q Train, Brooklyn
He’s Gay on His Mother’s Side
High school girl #1: So he is definitely going to turn out gay.
High school girl #2: Come on. He is not going to be gay. You just think that because he is a nice, well-dressed boy.
High school girl #1: Um, exactly.
High school girl #2: Well, he is Asian! All the guys in Asia wear makeup!
High school girl #1: Stop talking. He’s only half-Asian. And gay.
–Broadway
Women Don’t Care How They Look to Men
Black guy: Why would a young black girl dye her hair blonde? Looks terrible, y’know.
Whitey: Um, yeah. Bad idea.
Black guy: Bitch looked like a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.
–One Penn Plaza
God! The Sense of Entitlement These Kids Have
Teacher #1: What do they want me to do with my students? They expect me to be able to teach them and they are always late or absent.
Teacher #2: Yeah, my students are always getting shot or something and then they want special treatment and a make-up test.
Teacher #1: Yeah, I know what you mean — they must be gang members.
–86th & Broadway