Archive for 2015

I See Your Chick-Fil‑A and Raise You a Taco Bell

Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil‑A.

–Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil‑A anymore

Meet the Only Guy in the U.S. Who Liked Nights in Rodanthe

Girlfriend to boyfriend walking out of movie theater: That was kinda lame… I totally saw that ending coming.
Boyfriend: I don’t know, I kind of liked it.
Girlfriend, raising voice: What do you mean you liked it?
Boyfriend: It was entertaining.
Girlfriend: Oh, so now you’re gonna tell me that you liked it more than Sherlock Holmes?
Boyfriend: Actually, yeah…
Girlfriend, angry and yelling: What the fuck? What is wrong with you? I can’t believe this!

–Outside Chelsea Clearview Cinema

Overheard by: J Wing

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!

–Bathroom, John Jay College

Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.

–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Sydney

Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.

–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg

Overheard by: nickporjr

Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?

–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex

Overheard by: Tony

Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.

–Cabana, Maritime Hotel

Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!

–Bathroom, Fordham Law School

Overheard by: Seriously concerned

Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!

–Library Bathroom, Fordham University

What’re They Prescribing for Uteral Bipolarity These Days?

Lady #1: That new arm implant birth control is so weird.
Lady #2: What’s so weird about it?
Lady #1: I don’t know — it just sits there inside you and doesn’t go away.
Lady #2: How is that any different from that IUD thing that sits in your uterus?
Lady #1: It is different! Things to up and down in your uterus.

–39th & 6th

Highlights for Wednesday One-Liners

Toddler in stroller: Step one, cut a hole in the box… Step two, put your junk in the box! Step three, make her open the box!

–Dressing room, Bloomingdale’s

Nine-year-old boy on cell: It’s not that I don’t understand your vision, I just don’t agree with it.

–Bus stop, 79th & 5th

Overheard by: Melly Mel

Eight-year-old boy whining: Dad, I’m thirsty! I wanna go to the liquor store!

–Central Park

Overheard by: admiring their childrearing practices

Four-year-old boy to nanny: I talk to strangers! I talk to strangers! Why are you squeezing my hand so hard?!

–60th & Lex

Little boy, after bumping into a girl: Sorry, my ass is broken.

–City Hall Subway Station

Overheard by: Miss Adventure

Three-year-old girl waiting in check-out line: Mommy, I hate this store! Are we in the suburbs?

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Little British girl: Mummy, when I die can I be here?

–Evolution, Spring St

Overheard by: stephanie