Archive for 2015

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Dou­ble Their Plea­sure, Dou­ble Their Fun

65-year-old la­dy, in biki­ni top and Daisy Duke shorts, with bel­ly hang­ing over: Of course I am bisexual…can’t you see the view?”

–49th St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: NATE MATH­IS

Girl to guy: You can’t be bi­sex­u­al and mar­ried, John. That’s, like, il­le­gal!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Aus­tralian chic at bar: It’s weird though, he re­minds me so much of my ex-girl­friend.

–Mex­i­can Restaru­ant, Low­er East Side

Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.

–Hill­side & Edger­ton

Drunk les­bian: Why can’t you be a girl or at least have a re­al­ly big dick?

–Bow­ery Ball­room

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Smell Any­thing

Sassy la­dy: Hon­ey, she so lazy… She too lazy to fart, she so lazy!

–Celebri­ty Jeop­ardy tap­ing, Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Over­heard by: La­dy Sean Con­nery Wannabe

Man hold­ing ‘Hun­gry Jew’ sign: Hey, ladies, need a boy-toy? I just fart­ed.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Ghet­to Asian teen: Nig­ga, my farts smell like daisies.

–68th & 1st

Class act: Damn! I got gas like a mo-fo, and this cough ain’t help­ing.

–Es­ca­la­tor, 59th St sub­way sta­tion

Five-year-old girl to fa­ther: Ha, ha! I fart­ed on you!

–Mount Sinai Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: Steve

…Where I Went to School.

Span­ish guy to Amer­i­can woman in cafe: Oh, this mu­sic is so great, so sad… Do you know it? It’s a fa­do.
Amer­i­can woman: Oh, that’s nice, where’s it from?
Span­ish guy: From Por­tu­gal, have you ever been there?
Amer­i­can woman: No, I’ve nev­er been any­where south of Texas.

–East Vil­lage