Archive for 2015

My High School Class Vot­ed Me “Most Like­ly to Be Mur­dered”

Girl #1, on her way to Flat­bush: Oh my god, I’m so late and it’s get­ting dark!
Girl #2: So what?
Girl #1, in fright­ened tone: Are you kid­ding me? What if some­thing bad hap­pens to me?
Girl #2: Don’t wor­ry! I don’t think any­one will want to rape you.
Girl #1, an­gry: Ex­cuse me! I’m to­tal­ly rape­able!

–4th Ave & Bayridge

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Know It’s Bet­ter to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Girl: I want a Marc Ja­cobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of ba­by cow!

–Out­side the Met

Over­heard by: wants ba­by cow bag, too

Guy, ex­plain­ing his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.

–Mid­town

Man pick­ing up trash to woman pick­ing up trash: How you gonna make ten dol­lars an hour and have peo­ple mak­ing min­i­mum wage look­ing bet­ter than you?

–Madi­son Sq Park

Shopa­holic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloom­ing­dale’s.

–59th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: DM Cook

Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what hap­pened?…Not to your shoe! In the hos­pi­tal!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: con­cerned tres­pass­er

Cougar-in-Train­ing, look­ing at non-trendy par­ty­go­ers: Clear­ly they don’t be­long here.

–Rooftop par­ty, the So­Ho House