Archive for 2015

PE­TA Filed a Friend-of-the-Court Brief, to No Avail

Guy: How was the week­end? Were the kids well-be­haved?
Woman: It was fine, they were great.
Guy: How was Max at night? He some­times gets lone­ly and starts cry­ing.
Woman: Hmm, I don’t know. I locked them out of my room.
Guy, yelling: You what?!? How could you? You know how they are at night!
[pause.]Woman, un­ruf­fled: They are pets. Not kids. Pets. And I don’t sleep with dogs that weigh more than I do.

–Star­bucks, 20th St & 6th Ave

But I’m Sure He Could Read My Lips in His Rearview Mir­ror

Gui­do #1: So the fuckin’ Chink cop hands me the tick­et, and I say, ‘Fuck you, ya fuckin’ Chink-ass cock­suck­er. Take this tick­et and shove it up your Chink ass, you lo mein-suckin’, Gen­er­al Tso-fuckin’, slan­ty-eyed fuck.‘
Gui­do #2: You said that to him?!
Gui­do #1: Yeah, af­ter he drove away.

–Kings Plaza Din­er, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry