Archive for 2015

Does He Fight You for It?

Drunk girl #1: My boyfriend likes to swallow his ejacu– Ejacu–
Drunk girl #2: It’s ‘ejaculate.’
Drunk girl #1: Is that normal?

–Manhattan-bound L train

Overheard by: What is normal?

Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner

Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?

–E 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: definitely human

Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.

–Union Square

Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.

–88th & Park

Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.

–40th & 7th

Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.

–Old Town Bar

Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Short Term Memory Loss Can Be a Real Drag.

Hobo: Excuse me, sweetie, can I bum a cigarette?
Female tourist: Eh… I already bummed you one.
Hobo: Oh, you did? When?
Female tourist: About eight minutes ago.
Hobo: Really? (proceeds to take pack from his pocket, pulls a cigarette and lights up) I must have forgot.

–Spring & Broadway