A group of retards are being watched by two caretakers.
Hetard: You’re stupid.
Shetard: Shut up. You have halitosis of the eye. Every time you blink, you stink!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Josh Rav
Archive for 2015
Why Johnny Can’t Count
Boy: Mommy, I see the eagle.
Mom: Congratulations, what do you want, a fucking medal?
Pause
Mom: And there are two of them!
–Birds of Prey exhibit, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Cam
…My Dad, too.
Two boys, both about 10, are thoroughly engrossed in their Game Boys.
First boy: My mother’s a lesbian.
Second boy: So is mine.
–#1 Train
We’re Guessing You Don’t Share Those Jeans.
Well-dressed older woman to another, in line for bathroom: I don’t know. I don’t think this has been Renee Fleming’s best; it’s actually pretty bad.
Second well-dressed lady: Hush! Someone might hear you!
Well dressed lady: Who would care?
Girl standing behind them in ripped jeans: I do! She’s my aunt!
–Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: OperaBuff3122
Now Let’s Go Look at the Sculpture Of the Little Boy Being Bathed by Pat Benatar
Old woman, looking at 19th Century European painting of a woman: She looks like someone I know…
Old man: Linda Ronstadt.
Old woman: Yes.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Yonkers Exerts a Magnetic Pull on the Weak-Minded
Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
–114th & Broadway
‘One of These Things Is Not Like the Other…’
Thuggish black guy #1: That was mad niggerish.
Preppy black guy: Yeah, it was so fiscally irresponsible.
Thuggish black guy #2: Yeah, so niggerish.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: puzzled
Wal-Mart, Probably
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket?
–6 train
Jason’s Walking-Around License Gets Revoked
Burly man who pulled frat boy out of tracks: Dude, are you drunk?
Frat boy: Ah… Ah… I don’t know. I guess I had something to drink.
Burly man: Dude, next time you get on a train make sure it’s there first!
−−1−2−3 platform, 96th St
Why Is She Asking Him?
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
White girl: What? Why don’t you ask anyone else around here? What is this, “Ask the White Girl Day”?
–Bushwick
