Archive for 2015

Love is Strange, Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: …and she says, “If you cheat on me, you’ll die, and go to hell and burn.” So I say, “There’s no way I’m going to hell for a bitch. Cause there’s too many of them!”

–Lafayette & Fulton, Brooklyn

Construction worker: Yeah man, I just raw dogged her and ditched!

–Grand & Ludlow

Man on cell: How’s the birthday?…Yeah, big 5 – 0 for me.…Well, I ditched the wife, make more money, and have a 33 year old girlfriend. That’s 50 for ya.

–N train

Overheard by: Doug Gaeta 

Guy: Is that her panties or his sock he’s sniffing?

–Mary Boone Gallery, W. 24th Street

Overheard by: Captive 411 

Bike girl on cell: Hey, this is Tammy. Yet again you were in my dream. It involved fucking. Call me back.

–Prospect Park

Hipster: Nothing says “I love you” like a cactus.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: kath williams 

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5′8″, I mean…it’s like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should’ve jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can’t carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we’ll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.


Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you’re jizzing?!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It’s everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

It’s At Least 33% Different

Woman: The bargain discount…what is that?
Cashier guy: It is 25% off.
Woman: 25% of what?
Cashier guy: 25% off of the price on the book.
Woman: So it is 25% off of the sale price.
Cashier guy: It’s 25% off of the price listed on the back of the book.
Woman: So what is the sale?
Cashier guy: It’s 25% off the retail price.
Woman: So how is that a bargain?
Cashier guy: You save 25%.
Woman: That’s not a bargain!…The world has changed…

–Barnes & Noble, 17th & 5th

Overheard by: Tom T