Archive for 2015

The Wednesday One-Liner Will See You Now

Hobo: Now nobody ever heard of a person, animal, fish, or even an insect die from dope. Here's a piece of advice–you find a doctor who prescribes you marijuana and that's the doctor you keep for the rest of your life.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Confused Girl

Suit on cell: Just because he is a doctor and she is his patient, doesn't mean he can be arrested for sexual harassment.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: A.J. F.

Child who just got hit on the head by a wiffleball bat: Oww! I need a CAT scan! I need a CAT scan!

–Central Park

Slovenly dude: "Medical environment," my ass! Anus is anus!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Thanks for the Gift, Bitch

Teen girl #1: So, my friend’s dad died. I feel like I should send her something — y’know, just to make her feel better. Only I don’t know her so well, so I’m not sure what to get her. Chocolate, maybe?
Teen girl #2: I dunno. Chocolate doesn’t sound like such a good idea. When people are depressed they buy chocolate and eat way too much of it and get really fat.
Teen girl #1: Ummm, I don’t think that’s really true.
Teen girl #2: … I can attest to it.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: sugarnspice

What a Dump

Men #1 & #2: What is that?!
Man #3: Yep, yep, that’s me! Sorry, sorry! It’s me. I just don’t understand it — I’ve never shit my pants in my entire life!
Man #4: That’s disgusting!
Man #3: Sorry, sorry.
Elevator operator: Welcome to New York City.

–Elevator at W Hotel, Union Square