Archive for 2015

Isn't It Great That We Can Talk Like This?

Black MTA employee guy: My brother is the conductor on this train.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Is that right? What's his name?
Black MTA employee guy: I don't know.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: You don't know his name? And he's your brother?
Black MTA employee guy: He's a brother from another mother. You know, kinda light-skinned, with freckles.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Oh, I know that guy. He hangs out with what's-his-name.
Black MTA employee guy: Yeah, right.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Stephanie Luke

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there.

–L Train

Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

Wednesday One-Liners Need Spell Check

#20, just past quittin' time, venting to a friend:
She want a fyi? I got a fyi. I'ma cc her ass!

–21st and 7th

In new york there are only 25 letters in the alphabet. … You remove the letter "r".

–Port Authority loud homeless woman

Overheard by: Eally? Is it tue?

"fog… You know fag except o instead of a"

–71st Continental Ave and Queens Blvd

Overheard by: Hungry Runner

Mother to kid at a parent teacher conference: "son, when the teacher tells you to be quiet, you shut your mouth! S-h-o-u-t! Shut!"

–High School in the Bronx

Overheard by: Faith

In Other Parts of the Country, the Vendor Might Say, “I’m Sorry, Sir, but I Have No Camel Lights Today”

Black guy: Cold water! Cold water! One dollar. One dollar! Newports — five dollars! Get the special: Newports and ice-cold water! Six dollars! Six dollars!
White guy: Do you have Camel Lights?
Black guy: Get the fuck out of here!
White guy: Well, then just a bottle of water, please.

–Broadway & Gates, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter