Archive for 2015

Cigarette?

Art teacher to student, about mixing paint: Come into it! Come into it!
Student: Uh huh? How’s this?
Teacher: More more! Come! Come! Aaaahhhhhyesshyeshhhyeshh!! Oh, that’s good. That’s beautiful. Oh great.

–LaGuardia High School

Well, It Is the Number Two Train

(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window!

–2 Train

Somehow RuPaul Always Gets the Short End of the Stick

Black guy: It is the last day of Black History Month and nobody sent me a card?
White guy: Well then, happy Black History Month.
Black guy: Yeah sure, whatever!
White guy: No, seriously, thank you! Thank you for Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Richard Pryor…
Black guy: Well I guess tomorrow I have to back to sitting in the back of the bus!
White guy: No! What are you talking about? We don’t pick on blacks anymore! That’s what gays are for!
Black guy: Ohhh! 

–Graham Street station

Overheard by: Philip Rafferty

Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners

College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I’ve eaten all day!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus

Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can’t wait to see the dinosaurs!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Miss Guided

Hippie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don’t etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!

–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Danielle

Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I’d be a dinosaur right beside you.

–W 80th & Amsterdam